Rabbit rabbit.

Zulkey.com will not be here on Monday, thanks to a totally awesome one-night business trip that I know you are jealous of. So I'll see you on Tuesday. Please enjoy the archives, which will be updated this weekend.

The All-Spin Zone: Possible Interpretations of the First Presidential Debate

Bush won, solidly establishing Kerry as a flip-flopper.

Kerry won, solidly establishing that he supports the war on terror, not the war in Iraq.

Bush won, in that he did not have any major gaffes.

Kerry won, in that he looked much less weird than Al Gore did four years ago.

Bush won, for his nice tie.

Kerry won, for kissing up to Bush and Lehrer.

Bush won, for bringing up the popular Bush twins.

Jim Lehrer won, for his little dot eyes.

Mrs. Bush and Heinz-Kerry won, for their matching, flattering pink suits.

The debate audience won, for staying so nice and quiet throughout the debate, thus earning a pizza party afterwards.

You win, because you are a winner.