August 19,
2004
Today is the day to polish the silver.
The Notorious L.U.V. is Here for You
Dear Dr. Luv:
Say you're a sensitive-type man, and you're at a crowded
bar and you spot a young lady who you believe might be interesting to talk
to. How do you chat her up without seeming like bar slime?
Follow-up question: What do girls like to do for first dates?
Dear Sensitive,
I have found in my extensive bar-hopping experience that there are two types
of guys that approach me: Decent and as you said, Bar Slime. Decent smiles
and says hello, Bar Slime touches me inappropriately and asks me when are
we going to make out.
The best pick-up lines I've ever been given are so carefully crafted that they don't seem like pick-up lines at all. Last weekend I had a guy ask me if his shirt sleeves looked better tucked in or untucked. It took me off guard, but in a good way. We ended up hitting it off - too bad it turns out he's underage and stationed on a Naval base in Virginia.
What you want, Sensitive, is a conversation starter. If your target is sitting at the bar, ask her to hand you a napkin/lime/straw. If she's dancing and takes a break, ask her where she got them moves. If she's standing with a group of friends, single her out and ask her if there's a DJ tonight/where the restroom is/what time it is.
Remember, Bar Slime is as Bar Slime does. Any one of the above scenarios gives the girl a chance to respond to you and flirt back, or simply answer the question and send you on your way. Whether you get shot down or hooked up, you'll still end up looking Decent.
Once you snag the Bar Beauty, where do you take her on your first date? My best first date was a casual dinner. My worst first date involved a drag show, countless Ketel One and tonics and an extremely homophobic MBA student. But I digress.
I say dinner is the best first date option because if all else fails, it gives you something to do (eat) and something to talk about (the food).
Ask your date if she has any food preferences. Pick a comfortable, middle of the road place that you've been to before. Chicago readers should avoid Japonais (unless the point of the date is to show her off to all of your investment banker buddies) and the Pasta Bowl (unless you're still an undergrad at DePaul) as first date spots at all cost. You don't want to seem too flashy but at the same time you want to make your date feel special.
After dinner if you're still digging her and don't want the date to end,
ask her to get a night cap. If you're just not that into her, claim diarrhea.
Dear Luvvie Smalls,
As is pretty consistent in my life, it's all about feast or famine--I either have no one, or everyone in the world seems to want me at the same time! Well, after a somewhat lengthy drought, I think I'm coming up on a bumper crop of men, and I'm ready to sow the oats! However, I've never really been in a position where I have dated numerous people in one time (some have even described me as a serial monogamist), so while I'm excited, and a bit misguided as to how to move forward. I want to be able to cultivate substantive bonds with all these men, yet I don't want any one to feel isolated by the others...and I want to enjoy dating, since I've never really done it before!
Signed,
I'm Not a Playa...and I Don't Crush A Lot, Either
Dear Not a Playa.,
First of all, let us pause as I pour a bit of this 40
on the ground for my late homie Big
Pun.
Now. As a self-described SerMon, I can understand why you're a bit frazzled with your Single and Lovin' It status. You should, however, feel fantastic that you've managed to snag all of these suitors. Maybe YOU should be the one giving ME advice.
I say enjoy yourself. Go out on lots of dates. Invest in a day planner to keep them all in order. My best guy friend made me an Excel spreadsheet to rate my dates. The document includes fields to keep track of everything from outfits to locations to makeout moves. Whatever works for you.
Get to know these guys. Get to know yourself. As far as worrying about isolating any of them, forget about it. You are no more committed to them than they are committed to you. Until you find one you feel crazy about, don't feel that any of them need to know about the others. When you find him, keep him. Until then, crush on, playa.
See how good Dr. Luv's advice is? And she knows how to respond to 'the kids', too, in that rap language they use! Send her your questions about love, sex, romance and relationships. Today, or you'll be alone forever!