July 28, 2004

Today is the day to lean back.

Buy my book!

I watch too much TV.

Dear Zulk Will Live on In Your Memories After This (Unless You Want to Send in a Question, but No Pressure)

I'm starting to think summer is entirely over-rated. The bugs (especially mosquitoes, especially the West Nile Virus -carrying ones), the humidity, the sweating, streets closed due to ethnic "fun" fairs, unpedicured feet in sandals, chronic threats of storms and tornados, cheesy "summer reading", day campers taking up all the good beach spots, pre-dawn overeager lawn services, road construction, fireworks displays (which used to be rare but are now a nightly occurrence). How about we just skip it this year? Or would Dear Zulk have other ideas.

Summer Grump

So, you hate nature, weather, diversity, children, people cleaning your lawn, smooth streets and general fun? Maybe we should skip you this year.

Dear Zulk,

I have a good friend -- let's call him Tim -- with whom I have exchanged birthday gifts for nearly a decade, including on the occasion of his birthday a few months back when his girlfriend helped me pick out a DVD and a CD that he wanted.

Oddly enough, though, Tim did not get me a gift when I added a year earlier this month. He was invited to my birthday party and RSVP-ed yes before cancelling due to a semi-emergency. Since then I've seen this friend three or four times, and all he has given me was a belated birthday beer, which I received through some rather passive-aggressive means.

Since we typically give one another fairly cool gifts, should I be feeling dissed? Dare I bring it up with him, man to man?


Sincerely,

It's As Good to Receive As It Is To Give (And Anyone Who Tells You Otherwise Is a Liar)

I would feel dissed too, my friend, and not just by Tim but by the girlfriend. Since she helped you pick out Tim's b'day present, she should remind Tim to reciprocate. I would normally say that some people are just not gift-givers, but it seems like Tim was. I don't say bring it up with him, though--that would just cause too much bad feeling. Just don't give him anything next year. Better yet, take something from him.

Dear Zulk,

I just spent a half hour on the phone with a crying friend. She's miserable because she and her fiance had their biggest fight yet yesterday, and he isn't talking to her today.

Many a Monday she tells me how unhappy their weekend was, due to her feisty yet depressive nature and his over-sensitivity. Now, she tells me that he has suggested that they might be better off postponing their planned October nuptials. This terrifies her, as she often remarks how she can't wait 'til they're actually married and all the stress they're under (due to the wedding planning and expense, plus the crummy place they currently reside in) will be gone.

Here's the thing: the fighting started long before they got engaged, but she wants nothing more than to be hitched. He has already been divorced once before, and is understandably nervous that this marriage may not turn out much better.

I wanted to tell her that he might have the right idea, but I didn't have the heart to add to her misery. How do I let her know that the ring won't be a cure-all?


Signed,

Tiptoeing Through the Minefield

You are totally right, and so is the fiancee. I guess there's not a good way to tell her this without sounding mean, although you might want to jokingly mention that forcing someone to marry you might not be the best solution to something, even if you think it will solve all their problems.

Do you usually confront this friend with 'tough love,' or is she the kind of person who can't really take it? Because maybe you want to mention it quietly to a girlfriend or family member of hers, saying you're concerned but you don't want to set her off, and they can weigh in. Although if this gal sounds as unstable as she is, I'm sure you're not the only one who doesn't think this marriage is such a good idea.

If she were smart, she'd have a hysterical pregnancy, anyway. That is the key to a happy relationship.