June 7, 2004

Today is the day to get rid of unwanted hair.

CHECK IT OUT--AMAZON FINALLY PUT MY BOOK'S ART UP! PRETTY!

Read the bottom of this. Send me fat fiction. I'm running it Thursday.

The BYT Shows His Lighter Side

Dear BYT;

If Jesus were alive today, do you think he’d be a raver, hipster or jaded record store clerk scenester?

Jesus would definitely be the jaded record store clerk scenester, but by jaded here I mean he would be overworked through service, not no longer interested in what he does. The idea of being part of a scene would appeal, I suppose, especially one that basically serves the meek, i.e., indie-record buyers.

Ravers take E, which makes them pleasure-seekers and pretty selfish. Plus, I hear E makes sex pretty great—or, at least really desirable—and Jesus, for all we know, was celibate (D.H. Lawrence has it different in “The Man Who Died”; Lawrence’s Jesus would probably have been a raver.) Rare was the Jesus of the Gospels a pleasure seeker.

Hipsters are too aloof, for the most part, and are basically not known for rocking the boat; there is, after all, The Hipster Handbook, which provides the hard-and-fast ground-rules for hipsters. NB: The HH is very clear to point out that hipsters DO NOT TEACH SUNDAY SCHOOL. Jesus was nothing if not a radical religious teacher, and if he were alive today, he’d probably be in some synagogue teaching most of the time, that is, when he wasn’t selling Pedro the Lion, Neutral Milk Hotel and Jeremy Enigk albums.

God Bless.