May 24, 2004

Today is the day to wax your mustache.

CHECK IT OUT--AMAZON FINALLY PUT MY BOOK'S ART UP! PRETTY!

It's been quiet on the internet lately, which is why there are two new interviews with me up: here on Yankee Pot Roast and here in Heck's Kitchen.

Oh, and I get mentioned in this little rag.

There are no questions today for the BYT, which must mean that all you readers are as enlightened as you can possibly be. This is the last week we will accept questions for him, and after they are all answered, we'll let him do his thing. So if you have questions about God or religion, please send them to me to give to him.

I guess this means that soon I'll actually have to start writing things on Mondays again, you jerks. I could invite another guest columnist, though. Let's see, we've had the Budding Young Theologist answering your religion question, Dr. Hot Pants answering your medical questions, and me, asking your whatever questions. Here are some other columns I was considering:

• Ask my Television, wherein you send me deep, personal questions and I provide you answers by seeing what Vh1 or E! has to say about it.
• Ask the Ethics Dog (as suggested by Randy Cohen.)
• Ask My Bathroom, wherein you ask me questions about personal hygiene and I respond with directions and ingredients from some of the products I use (i.e. "What do I do for halitosis?" "Alpha hydroxy!"
• Ask My Sexually Frustrated Friend
• Ask My Dad for Legal Advice (for Zulkey.com Premium subscribers only)
• Ask What the Weather Is Today

And so on. I can't believe you're going to miss out on all these great new outlets of advice. Oh well, So again, if you have any questions for the BYT, send them in this week.