May 22, 2004

Today is the day to get a colonoscopy, if you're over 50.

CHECK IT OUT--AMAZON FINALLY PUT MY BOOK'S ART UP! PRETTY!

I have no interview again today. But I have some bits of advice for all you graduating college seniors. I know that everyone is bombarding you with bits of advice during your commencement, but here is what I've learned, since I've been a graduate for the last few years. Hopefully you can take these with you into the future and learn:

• There is no need to get to the ceremony early.
  
  
• Make sure you try and sneak in a book or something because speeches are really boring, even if they're given to you. Advise your parents the same.
  
  
• Iron your gown or else your mom will yell at you.
  
  
• Be careful with that tassle; it can swing in your eyes and mouth.
  
  
• Girls: reconsider the slutty shoes you're wearing under your gown.
  
  
• They're going to mispronounce your name. Nobody is going to notice unless you make some sort of exasperated gesture on stage. Stamp your foot?
  
  
• You may as well just go home afterwards because the best years of your life are over.

Anyway, those are just my views. I hope you can take these bits of advice and use them all the way to the future, whether that's a week or two or three or whatever.