May 4, 2004

Today is the day to throw it all under the bed.

***ORDER MY BOOK!-NOW AVAILABLE ON POWELLS!***

Once again:

If you live in Chicago, specifically in the Andersonville area, my book is now available here. Please buy it and make me seem legitimate!

The information about my DC reading this Friday is here. It involves prostitutes!

Read this story and submit your own!

Most Helpful Captions in This Week's US Weekly

It Took Two Hours! (regarding Mischa Barton's new hairdo)

Fun in the Sun! (re: a picture of Kelly Ripa)

Her Trainer (re: Reese Witherspoon's personal trainer)

They Check Their Mail! (re: Paris Hilton checking her mailbox, proving that stars are just like us.)

Rear View! (explaining a back view of Jennifer Lopez)

It's Justin...Justin's Grandma! (re: recent family photo of the Timberlakes)

He Drinks Coffee (snapshot of Ashton Kutcher drinking coffee)

She Drinks Red Bull (photo of Demi Moore drinking Red Bull)