April 21, 2004

Today is the day to take shelter

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We need questions, people. You have questions about God or religion? Email our expert, the Budding Young Theologian. You want to know about anything else? Just ask Dear Zulk.

Dear Zulk Helps You at Work

Dear Zulk,

My work life is starting to look an awful lot like the movie "Office Space." It's bad. I divide my time between web surfing, personal phone calls, and finishing projects that would normally take me 10 minutes, but I spread out over weeks just to keep up appearances of having work on my desk. I think I'm driving my friends crazy with my constant emailing. It's nice to get paid to do nothing and all, but it is eating away at my self-esteem. I've told my boss I need more work, need to be challenged, but she hasn't yet responded to my pleas. I want to get the hell out of here and start living a life outside of cubicle walls! But I'm a wuss. I get paid well, and it's not so much the money holding me back as much as it is everyone in my life telling me "You're an idiot if you give that job up in this market." I'm confused. I want more than this, but feel overwhelmed -- where and how do I start? Also, sometimes I get that "not so fresh" feeling. Please advise.

Well, I'm going to go against the grain and say that there is something to be said for mindless, well-paying jobs, because trust me, as somebody who's been there, they look plenty good from the perspective of an underpaid person allegedly searching for their 'calling.'

So definitely look for a new job, but it sounds like you're in a pickle because you don't want to give up any salary. So be selective.

Meanwhile, use all your boring free time at work to investigate other hobbies and activities. Can you take a class? Try freelance whatever-you-do? Join a club? As a frequent dreamer, sometimes doer, just looking at all your possibilities is fun itself. Look at Craig's List, because you never know if you'll find a job or an offering that will appeal to you. Or at worst, you could kill time in Missed Connections. And at the very least, I will email with you. Good luck!

Oh, and as for the "Not So Fresh" feeling, I hear that "Feminine products" are not so healthy. But I recommend woman's ultimate friend, Fe(m)breeze.

Okay. If we're not supposed to use q-tips to clean our ears, what are they for? And why are we supposed to buy them in packs of 500? On a related issue, why do some people, once they've been to Europe, insist on referring to some cities by their foreign pronunciations (Budapesht, Saveeya (for Seville), Firenze) but not others (Vien, Praha)?

Here are some things I have used Q-tips for: putting on eyeshadow, popping zits (not officially endorsed by me), cleaning up the nail polish around my fingernail. And I also had some shoved up my schnoz once for an allergy test.

Some other possible uses are: cleaning out your bellybutton, pushing around coins in a mini game of shuffleboard, or detailing your BMW.

You can buy them in Travel Packs you know. Oh, and by the way, don't make the mistake I made and get generic Q-tips. They are cheap because they are wrapped in a tiny wisp of cotton and after that gets smushed it basically feels like you're poking your ear with a stick. And yes, I Q-tip my ears. I love it. Sometimes I even let my ear wax build up just for a more satisfying swab.

As to your last question, I bet that the selective pronunciation is based on whether the recipient of this pretentiousness will pick up on which city is being referred to. But I think it's stupid either way. Other countries have different pronunciations for other nations...Italians don't try to impress people by saying "The U.S." in lieu of "Gli Stati Uniti,*" so why should we?

*I picked this up while studying abroad in Firenze.