January
8, 2004
Today is the day to be real nice-like to Claire Zulkey.
Guest Diarist:Steve Delahoyde
So this morning, Claire tells me, "I'm not feeling well, and not at all funny, so will you just do my site for me?" Except, because she's almost lost her voice, it sounded like, "I'm NOT feeling WeLL, anD not at All FuNNY."
Because I'm a heck of a guy (and not to mention extremely handsome and nice smelling), I said, "Sure Claire, it would be my honor."
Now what to talk about?
Oh, okay, here we go.
So there's this thing my pal Waki and I have been thinking about for a long time. It all hinges upon us becoming irresponsible billionaires, so we're not holding our collective breaths just yet.
What we want to do is open up a beautiful reception hall for people to hold their post-wedding-ceremony festivities at. The decorations would be on par with the type of things you see in bridal planning magazines, complete with small ponds where swans would swim, terribly expensive crystal everywhere, numerous things made out of the finest silks, laces, and other fabrics. The staff would be incredibly graceful and courteous, helping to facilitate any and all of the guests' needs. And the menus would be prepared by some of the world's greatest chefs. In short, the place would just be a dream come true for someone planning on getting married.
But yet it doesn't just stop there. Because Waki and I are two people who believe in being generous to the members of our community, and remember that we are, at this point, irresponsible billionaires, we will have decided to rent this amazing reception hall for only forty dollars per reception. That's right, just forty dollars. That includes all of the food, all of the staff, all of the decorations. All of it. No where will you find this kind of luxury at even 1/1000th of this price. Yet that's what we plan on offering up for.
The one catch is that we're naming the place "Uncle Crappy's Puke Farm." And we'll require that, for you future married couples who decide to book with us, put our name on your wedding announcement cards.
(Claire will be back tomorrow. So no more of this nonsense out of me. Thanks for your time.)