January
5, 2004
Today is the day to stop pretending not to be evil.
Welcome to 2004! I know that it doesn't seem like it's going to be a hugely significant year, number-wise, such as 2000 or 2010 or 1482, but you'd be surprised. See, I majored in numerology in college and I found that there is a lot of importance in the number "2004." For instance...
2+0+0+4=6. Everyone knows that 'six' is the number of the devil, which means that we are in store for a lot of hysterical sitcom episodes featuring a guest appearance by Jon Lovitz in a crappy devil costume.
2-0-0-4=-2. -2 is a very culturally significant number for people my age, because it reminds them of when they first started studying negative integers, an extremely painful time of life. This year, there will be an unusual amount of whining by 8 year olds. Especially bad news to teachers and parents, only somewhat irritating to childless people.
2x0x0x4=0. This means that there is going to be a big revival of "Fiddler on the Roof" this year.
2/4-0-0=1/2. What do most people think of when they think of the number .5? The phrase "half pint," of course. Several annoying buddy pictures will be released, featuring older mentors and sassmouth younger proteges/midgets.
2 to the 4th power: I am too lazy to find the key on this computer
that lets me type that correctly, which signifies that no one's really going
to care about math that much this year anyhow. It's all going to be about
diagramming sentences, instead.