September 3 , 2003

Today is the day to get a weave.

See Zulkey.com interviewee Dan Kennedy in person.

Rank: Types of Sneezes

1. The ultimate sneeze. You know what kind I'm talking about. You feel like you just lost half your brains and you'd go back for seconds if you had the chance. Welcome to nirvana, son. Drawbacks: You end up with phlegm in your hand. And you're about to shake somebody's hand.
2. The sun sneeze. You head outside and it's really bright and a-choo. You feel a little whimsical. Drawbacks: You also feel stupid.
3. The mint sneeze. You chew some powdery, really strong gum and you're going to react somehow. It manifests itself in a sneeze. Drawbacks: You feel really stupid.
4. The allergies sneeze: People laugh at you for sneezing four, five, six times in a row but they just don't understand Drawbacks: Never enough kleenex.
5. The princess sneeze: It's not polite to go "AAAA-CHOO" in public, so you stifle the sneeze and make a little snorting noise in your nose and look up bashfully. Drawbacks: The least satisfying thing in the world.
6. The denial sneeze. You feel it coming. Your eyes water. Your sinuses constrict. You start to squint and open your mouth. And then what? Some jerk says "Bless you" before it even happens and curses it. You feel like you just swallowed a grenade. Drawbacks: Like a bitten tongue or a twisted ankle, you want to complain about it loudly but it's not considered very macho to do so.