July
24,
2003
Today is the day to get a sunburn just for the joy of peeling it off.
So I went to Georgetown University, whose mascot is a bulldog named Jack. The University apparently recently acquired a new live bulldog. If this doesn't melt your heart, you are a cold, cruel bastard.
If you want to give me yet another new job, here are my references.
Tomorrow I have an interview that will blow your mind, and would have blown your mind even more had I not completely screwed up. More on that the day after today.
Real Dialogue: Day 4
From Tracy Lyons:
two boys, both 4 years old, in conversation upon
waking up from nap:
boy 1: oh man, did you know that at my next birthday
i'm gonna be six?
boy 2: yeah me too!
boy 1: yeah my mom says i can skip right over the next
one and then i'll be six. and i'm going to have a huge
lilo and stitch birthday cake and it's going to have
boxes in it that when you open them its a cake but has
more boxes inside it and then water comes out.
boy 2: (full of awe) woah
(pause)
boy 2: yeah well my birthday cake is going to be a
spider man cake that has webs shooting out of it.
From Will Leitch:
(co-worker walking into my boss’ office)
Co-worker: Is that a copy of Ted Nugent’s new book?
Boss: It is. He and his wife wrote it. “Grill It and Kill It.”
Co-worker: Is that him on the cover? With his wife?
Boss: Yeah. She’s hot, isn’t she?
Co-worker: She really is. Way to go, Nuge.
Boss: He must have started seeing her when he was in Damn Yankees. What was their song?
Co-worker: (begins seeing “High Enough”)
Boss: (wistfully) Yeah. Those really were the days.
"The Biting Words of a Woman in the Washroom"
Woman: Mary?
Mary: Yeah I'm here (calling from in the stall)
Woman: What is taking you so long?
Mary: My zipper is stuck! (grunting)
Woman: Well we have to get going...
Mary: Yeah I know..I just..hold on.. (more grunting)
Woman: (laughing) are you alright?
Mary: NO! This baby is controlling my body! (exasperated laughter)
Woman: You're not fat Mary.
(Long Silence)
Woman: Pregnancy is tough on the body.
Mary: Yeah...
Woman: I will be outside ok? Let me know if you need anything.
(Sound of door closing)
Mary: (sighs)
"Today at lunch"
Tom: Frankie brought Krispie Kreme Donuts to the meeting this morning.
Me: I had two!
Doug: How did he get them?
Tom: He bought them.
Me: C'mon DOUG!
Doug: No that's not what I meant.(becoming pissed off) I know that he BOUGHT
them, I mean where did he GET them?
Tom: The Krispy Kreme store.
Me: C'MON MAN!!
Doug: (to me) SHUT UP!