July 22, 2003

Today is the day to be a number, not a man.

I think The Onion should just hire me as a writer, no? Read this and then read this.

Have I mentioned yet how much I love my new computer? I think I'm going to name it. Suggestions?

On second thought, save your brainpower for picking up on great found conversations, because that's what we're doing this week. I will return with an interview on Friday, and next week we're back to normal.

Real Dialogue: Day 2

From Jon Lee, who is in the Peace Corps:

Here is a recent conversation I had as I walked to to
work this afternoon. There is a woman in an empty lot
near the school who fries up chicken , pig fat and
corn fritters. She always gives me amorous looks, but
never says a word. Today, she made her move. (I have
translated it into English:)

Old Woman: Jonathan, I want to talk to you.

JL: Me?

Old Woman: Yes. Do you like to make it with old women?

JL: What?

Old Woman: Do you like to [makes a sign by grabbing
her wrist, making a fist and pushing the fist up and
down].

JL: I don't understand.

Other Old Woman: Don't answer her.

Younger Woman: He already has a girlfriend Mirella.

Old Woman: Your girlfriend doesn't know what I know.

JL: I don't understand.

Other Old Woman: You don't understand or you don't
want to understand?

JL: Both.

Old Woman: Corn fritter?

JL: Yes, thank you.

From Kim Bosch:

Fixing a Leak Above my Work Cubicle

I.

Man1: Look up! Here on the right.(pointing into GIANT hole in the ceiling)...Straight into the T and into the cooling: cold water!

Man2: It's HEATING! (holding the base of the ladder)

Man1: I am almost 99 percent sure. 4-inch sprinkler.

Man2: Are you sure you can see?

Man1: I am exactly the proper height and weight for this job.

II

Man2: (walking towards the ladder past my desk) Jeeze! I left my radio up there. (said aloud to... me?)

(Stares down at my breasts while walking up the ladder)