July 16, 2003

Today is the day to drop 10,000 superballs off the roof.

Bad poetry week at Zulkey.com continues; please send your terrible submissions in! I'm getting a disappointing amount of submissions from female readers. C'mon, girls. Write to me, terribly, about flowers, unicorns, breasts, men, periods, and chocolate. You can do it!

I would to get the ball rolling with a haiku about last night's All-Star Game.

Jerry Manuel

I did not boo you. Also,

The Blue Angels rocked.

From Eric Wrisley:This poem requires the brief introduction for it to make sense: My brother is a pastor in South Dakota. He mentioned that he was considering using a line from "Jerry Maguire" in a sermon, for his conservative, uptight Dakotan congregation. Copy-Mat clerk: "That's how you become great-hanging your balls out there." My response...

"You think that sermon will go over well? (After Ogden Nash)"

i think you'll get some flack

for talking about your sack

wearing your black

robe, standing in the pulpit.

From Matt Glarner: "The Burn Of The Sun"

I followed too close to you

as we flew upwards

flapping like angels

I thought you knew the way to heaven

But soon I felt its hot heat

The burn of the sun

Summer Scene

I wonder what he thinks

Majestic, eating

The king of his forest

The yard boss

Dining on nuts

or seeds

Alert to the wind

Father of the trees

Flicking his bushy tail

As he gnaws

Or maybe it is a girl.

And finally, another All Star poem from Michael Adubato:

ZULKEY BALL

 

Poe A Tree -

A prerequisite to talk to Zulkey

Claire that is -

All-star Claire

Off to the big game

Going to see the big names -

In Chi-town

See Steroid Sammy slamming Homer (d'oh!)

After Homer

Corked bat - what a crazy cat

American League starting line-up -

3 New York Yanks

Make enough money to open their own banks -

American, of course, not National

Banks that is -

ErnieÖ Ernie Banks

No wait. I think for Ernie it's too, too late

ErnieÖ Mr. Cub,

Think he retired years ago to his hot tub

Yes, some years ago

He was the best thing to ever happen to

Shee-cah-gov He whacked homers too (d'oh!) -

-five-one-two-

When Mr. Cub let loose - BAM

Outta the park, into the dark

Without the aid of the Sammy juice

But you don't have to look hard

To see that the Nationals are holding all the Cards

St. Louis, that isÖ

Catch a foul ball Claire!