Today is the day to poke somebody's eye out.

I have a short story on Wordriot this month called "Careless," if you'd care to read it.

I need your help. If any of you were, or know anybody who was married while in college, please contact me. It is for an article I am writing, so just let me know if you or your acquaintances are willing to talk/email with me. Thank you!

I didn't really know what to do today, so I had a dumb idea I must endure. I'm going to pick out 26 words from the dictionary that I have never heard before and then use them in a story. It doesn't really need to make much sense, though. It's important to take it easy on yourself, you know?

New words:

Alloxan: A crystalline compound causing diabetes mellitus when injected into experimental animals.
Billet doux: A love letter.
Codicil: A legal document made to modify an earlier will.
Descant: A melody or counterpoint sung above the plainsong of the tenor.
Emulous: Inspired by deriving from a desire to emulate.
Fossick: To search for gold or gemstones typically by picking over abandoned workings.
Gantry: A frame for supporting barrels.
Hebetude: Lethargy, dullness.
Ichor: A thin water or blood-tinged discharge.
Jim-Jams: The jitters.
Keratitus: Inflammation of the cornea of the eye.
Lollop: To flop about.
Menology: A calendar, especially that of the Greek Church, with biographies of the saints.
Nuciverous: Nut-eating
Ogive: A pointed or Gothic arch
Pampero: A strong cold Southwest wind in S. America, blowing from the Andes to the Atlantic.
Quodlibet: A topic for philosophical or theological discussion.
Redact: To put into literary form, edit for publication.
Samp: Coarsely ground corn.
Tenebrous: Dark, gloomy
Ulotrichan: Having tightly curled hair, especially denoting a human type.
Velocipede: An early form of bicycle proplelled by pressure from the rider’s feet on the ground.
Wacke: A grayish-green or brownish rock resulting from the decomposition of balsamic rock.
Xeroderma: Any of the various diseases characterized by extreme dryness of the skin.
Yegg: A travelling burglar or safecracker
Zarzeual: A Spanish traditional form of musical comedy.

The Story:

Well, obviously, this is a love story. A love story between this century’s stupid Romeo and dumb Juliet. Only their names aren’t Romeo and Juliet. They’re named Aloysius and Pointsettia. Their tale is one that is well-known, and an especial favorite when performed as a Zarzeual.

Aloysius loved Pointsettia with all his heart. He wrote her many a Billet doux and descant (he was a talented young man.) He also wrote sonnets, praising her ulotrichan beauty, and praising her conscientious, nuciverous diet. His prose was so beautiful that he sent it to his editor in New York, who redacted it for many a high-profile literary magazine, none of which I have the time to name here.

"I think I love you too, Aloysius," Pointsettia wrote back. She wasn’t nearly as good a writer as Aloysius, no matter how emulous she was of the great female love poets. When it came to writing, she possessed a certain unfortunate hebetude. But that’s okay, because she was great in the sack.

"I do love you," reiterated Pointsettia. "But if we are to be wed, you must meet my father to gain his permission."

"Anything you say, my precious" said Aloysius, but he was very nervous, as her father, Harvey, was known to be quite the tyrant. Nonetheless, he hopped upon his velocipede and rode on down to the Castle Harvey.

"What is that?" Pointsettia asked, when he rode up.

"It’s a velocipede," he explained. "It’s an early—"

"Never mind that," she said. "Daddy’s not quite ready for you yet. I’ll show you around. And that’s what you’re wearing?"

Unfortunately, Aloysius was very poor, and the only clothing he could afford was a gantry, which made it very difficult to ride the velocipede.

The Castle Harvey was beautiful but tenebrous. It was decorated with ogives, but the only food prepared in the kitchen was samp.

Pointsettia showed him the grounds. A pampero blew in across the moors.

"That’s weird," commented Pointsettia. "We’re not anywhere near South Africa."

"My sweet," she continued. "You do know that if my father does not approve of you, we must never see each other again."

"That’s wack," replied Aloysius.

"No, that’s wacke," she said impatiently, pointing to the rocks.
Finally, it was time to meet Harvey. Aloysius approached with the jim-jams.

"Who goes there?" roared a great voice, but when Aloysius entered the room, he was greeted by a tiny, pathetic little man lolloping about in an orthopedic chair, afflicted by keratitus and xeroderma. It was rather painful to look at him.

"It is I, Aloysius," said the suitor, "And I wish to marry your daughter."

"Well," said Harvey, setting aside the menology he was perusing. "This is most certainly a quodlibet!"

"Huh?"

Harvey sighed. Vocabulary was of incredible importance to him. "Well, what do you do, young Aloysius?"

"That’s so typical," snapped Aloysius. "’What do you do?’ Nobody cares about who I am, what I think. It’s all about money, social status, power."

Harvey stared at him.

Aloysius sighed. "I’m a part-time yegg and I fossick freelance."

"Well, that’s a simple choice," said Harvey. "I’m going to have to turn you down. It’s listed in my codicil that my precious Pointsettia must marry either a prince, doctor or lawyer."

"Curses!" screamed Aloysius, and quickly injected himself with Alloxan.

"What happened?" asked Pointsettia, rushing into the room. Harvey shrugged and turned on the TV.

"If I can’t have you, my sweet, I will perish!" moaned Aloysius, a trickle of ichor running from his mouth. "Join me in precious death!"

"Don’t be stupid," she said. "Pull yourself together, you weenie."

"But I will die!"

"That only works on experimental animals, that Alloxan, and everybody knows it. Besides, I found somebody really cute on the Nerve.com personal ads. I think it’s time for you to go."

And so, Aloysius left. And they all lived happily ever after. Except for Aloysius, of course, who continued to wear barrels and go about on outdated modes of transportation.