November 14, 2002

Today is the day to be a crazy, mixed-up kid.

If you are in the Boston area tomorrow evening, I recommend you read this impromptu press release from David Mogolov. Won't you?

As promised...

26

George Foreman didn't feel like calling his sister, or his brother, or Lillibet, or anybody. He didn't feel like writing, or attempting to write, or anything. Even leaving the house. For a normal person, this would be called depression, but for him, it was just a horrible mood. He decided to inflict it upon an unnecessary target: America's Youth.

George Foreman was perpetually inundated with requests for interviews, the vast majority of which he turned down. Thus, the students at Northeast Junior High were blown away when he decided to indulge them in an interview. Well, actually, the teachers and parents were blown away; the students were nonplussed.

George, in what he considered to be a grand act of generosity, allowed the students to send him twenty questions via email (he was refusing to leave the house much this week), which they could publish on the school's website.

1. Are there any publications which you have wanted to be published in, but haven't? What are they? Why did you want to be published in them? Why do you think that you weren't?
There's no journal that I have not been published in that I don't want to be in.

2. What thing have you written are you most proud of?
Everything I have written is a masterpiece, and I have the awards that prove it.

3. Is it weird being named George Foreman?
No. Apparently there is some other fellow with this name who is involved in the world of sports but I don't know anything of him.

4. Is your family jealous of you?

George paused a moment, and, as usual, his instinct won over any sense of propriety or tact.

They probably won't be reading this interview, since I won't be telling any of them about it, so I can say honestly: Yes.

5. Do you have any cool cars?
Yes, several.

6. Is it hard to write?
George wondered what kind of urchin would be asking such horrible questions.

No.

7. People sometimes say you are mean. Is this true? Why are you mean?

This sounds like Meredith, George thought to himself.

Don't be stupid.

8. Do you have a dog?
No, pets are disgusting creatures.

9. You live in Washington DC. This is the nation's capitol.
Is this a question? There is no question here. What is the point of this? I know it is the nation's CAPITAL.

10. Are you an Orioles fan or are you waiting to see if the Montreal Expos come down to Washington DC?
I don't know what you're talking about.

11. Which award have you received that you like the best?
They're all nice, but, ultimately, meaningless. I suppose the Pulitzer is all right.

12. Do you have a girlfriend?

George considered putting down Lillibet, just to seem cooler to these kids. Then he realized that he was trying to seem cool to middle-school children.

Not right now.

13. Do you have any special skillz other than writing?

The sad answer was no, not unless one counted eating or complaining.

Any special what?

14. If you could be any color M&M, what would it be?
Red.

15. Do you like Eminem?
I already told you, red.

16. When Paul McCartney said "And in the end, the love you give is equal to the love you get," was that true?
What who said? That sounds ridiculous.

17. What hope do you have for our children's future?
Why would I care about our children? Our children? I don't have any children with you. Is this interview almost over?

18. Do you think it's ok to swear when you write?
Of course.

19. I'm not a good speller. Can I still be a good writer?
No. If you're too stupid to spell, you're too stupid to do anything else.

20. Is it true that you have writer's block?

Was somebody playing a joke on him?

No.