Today is the day to utter the phrase "sumumabitch."

Due to technical difficulties at the home station, Zulkey.com may be taking a few days hiatus (or, it might not. Much like pop groups who claim they're breaking up and then don't. Just do it, already!). But I'll be back soon. In the meantime, here are some things you can do to keep yourself busy:

• Learn how to play Egyptian Ratscrew
• Call up somebody you don't even know and ask them why they can't learn to love
• Live and let die
• See if you can make one of your friends laugh so hard that they pee in their pants, and keep from peeing yourself in turn
• Figure out what your phone number spells out. My friend Sarah's for instance, is 3blank3-LADY. (I'm keeping the first part secret because you'll inevitably be calling her all the time now)
• Paint your nails, play truth or dare, pierce your ears and call cute boys and hang up on them
• Invent a better plenti-pack of Extra gum, where the pieces don't all fall out
• Try on all your clothes backwards. See if it's time for the Kris/Kross look to come back
• Tell a loved one that you have a terrible disease, followed by 'Psych!'
• A little light dusting
  
• Ask your boss what happened to your company; it used to be 'real' and now it's sold out, man