April 23, 2002

Today is the day to be glad that your skull isn't inside a shark's stomach.

Be sure to check out my review of "Andy Richter Controls the Universe" today on Flak. You may find an interesting thesis on why the shows on Fox are so much better these days.

Oh, and tomorrow I believe I am trying something new. You will see. If it fails, talk to Matt Herlihy, because it was his idea. (Just like the time I bent my fingernail back against the steering wheel yesterday and blamed the car, I take no responsibility for my own actions.)

And without further ado, Tuesday's list:

Sentences from Each of the Chapters of a Book That I Have Not Finished Writing (And Probably Never Will)

My father draped a sheet of lint over my head.

I had been sucking a strand of cooked linguine, letting half of it go down my throat, and then pulling it back up again by the half inch I let dangle between my lips

Sometimes it’s even a hot dog and coffee

Mother sits sullenly, not making any attempt to smile, with her lower lip sticking out almost as much as her belly (I weighed 10 lbs at birth.)

These are books that are supposed to help you make an educated decision about what schools you are interested in based on several factors, like size, location, and academic strengths and weaknesses, but in reality everybody just reads them to find out how the food is and what the party scene is like.

Sometimes I’d hear the raccoon crying, an almost ghostly noise, like a loon.

I felt my face grow hot, mumbled, “Okay,” and went to my room, where I climbed into bed instead of changing.

We never got along, except maybe up until I was old enough to talk.