If interviews with interior designers were honest

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7850583234_737515398c_b.jpgQ: So tell us about what you did with this home.

A: Well, the first thing that happened was that my clients are very rich.

Q: Interesting.

A: So what they did was purchase this fabulous amazing property.

Q: Go on.

A: Well it has all these rooms which are nice and large. The kitchen is huge. The views are fantastic. We have a back yard space so big we can call it "an outdoor living room." And the building is extremely old which makes it interesting.

Q: I see. What happened next?

A: Then the client gave me a lot of money and pretty much got out of my way because this isn't even their primary home. So then I did all this stuff you see here in the photos.

Q: What fun choices! You really embraced the quirks of the house.

A: Well, I really believe in reconciling the past and the present of a home. And paying a contractor to work on a place for two years straight. 

Q: Inspiring. Your paint choices are so brave. Tell me about those.

A: I know, they're quite a dare, aren't they? The nice thing is that if the client doesn't like them they can just move to another room, or the guest house, or their ski house, or their pied-a-terre in New York, or their island house, or their country house. 

Q: Your client is a young family. How do you design in a kid-friendly way?

A: The first thing to do is make sure that the children go to school in another state so they are not around that often. The other is stain-resistant carpet.

Q: Stain-resistant carpet! Who would have ever thought of such a thing.

A: I know.

Q: Can I ask you another question? Why are there no televisions in the home?

A: Televisions are for poor people who need something to distract them from the banality of their homes. 

Q: I thought you might say that. Do you have any other philosophies you mind sharing with us? 

A: Colors are important. And textured wallpaper. And painted ceilings. And fresh flowers in unexpected mismatched vessels. And making your closet or your tiny little elegant bathroom look like a jewel box.

Q: What exactly is a jewel box?

A: It's a word to describe a fussy little room. 

Q: Wonderful. Great work. 

A: Thank you. Is now a good time to promote my side business selling expensive textiles whose designs I saw while glamping in Africa?

Q: Sure. Where can people buy them?

A: Well, regular people can't buy them of course. But my clients are allowed to see and touch them.

Q: That makes sense. Thank you for sharing your vision with us!