Tips for Holiday Weight Gain

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When your office puts out holiday treats, make sure you get some because Christ knows how long it'll be until you see that stuff again.

Office holiday parties aren't the same without getting wasted and getting wasted isn't the same without ordering a late-night pizza

If you receive food as a gift, make sure you eat it all, in front of the person who gave it to you, or else his or her feelings will be hurt

When it comes to a party buffet, skip the crudités. Waste of time.

Host an "ugly holiday sweater" party so you don't have to worry about how you look and better yet, everyone around you will look dumb too.

Don't go to the gym. It's cold!

Also cold: water. Avoid drinking that and use Starbucks-brand Caramel Apple Cider instead.

One more note about those Starbucks drinks: you're really not enjoying them unless you top them with whipped cream.

When taking down the Christmas tree, take those decorative candy canes and use them to make these delicious cookies. Do not share.