Today is the day to know that book is a movie.
There are only a few t-shirts left. Do we have one in your size? Find them here!
, which is a very funny memoir about the author's quest to calm down before his stress kills him in one of many very strange ways.
The Brian Frazer Interview: Just Under Twenty Questions
I sometimes wonder if our ancestors suffered from the same maladies that we do today: allergies, anxiety, hyperchondria, or if these are modern ailments. Unless they did and they were all just called "the vapors" or "being a sissy." What do you think?
Well, I'm Jewish so we've always had anxiety and hypochondria. But now that there are more pills, drugs and cures available, we're taking it to another level... at least in the west. During my month in Thailand I noticed that no one complained about sickness at all. In fact, nobody but me even sneezed there.
Not really. I didn't want my life to seem like a series of jokes, so I needed depth. And my life isn't a tragedy either, so I needed jokes. Did you tell your family much about the book before it was published?
I didn't tell them anything about the book except for the title. They liked the part about me calming down. What do they think about it?
I'm not quite sure since nobody in my family is speaking to me anymore. But I'll interpret that they aren't thrilled. But I have no regrets. I couldn't have been honest about myself without being honest about how I grew up. And there was no malice intended. For cryin' out loud, I even dedicated the book to my parents. Is Bikram yoga as smelly as I imagine it is?
Nine times worse. I'm now convinced that hell is being reincarnated as the carpet in a Bikram studio. I have a secret love for Blind Date, which you used to write for. Can you share any behind the scenes secrets with us?
One behind the scene secret is that my wife and I met there writing thought bubbles and didn't tell anyone at the show for an entire year; we even bought our house behind their backs. Since Nancy was the only female writer there we felt it was better to pretend we couldn't have cared less about one another. We even got fake e-mail addresses so nobody would connect the dots. I was Paul7500@aol.com. The other secret is that it's a 60 hour work week minimum -- much more labor intensive than one would imagine. It's fun having worked there, but not necessarily a fun job. And at least two of the executives were borderline retarded. I got yelled at once for the phrase "whet your appetite." The executive thought it should have been spelled "wet" and had no idea there was another spelling and meaning to that sound. He even ran around the office asking other people for their opinions on this. I'm surprised it didn't take that stupid little fucker an hour and a half to unlock his car door. Do you and your wife still write together?
We actually both write from home now - she's developing a series for British Television. One of the most amazing things about our marriage is that we spend 24 hours a day together writing in a small house and we get along so well. We've never actually written anything together but we do read each other's stuff. You've written in a bunch of different genres: which comes most easily to you and which is most challenging?
In some respects, the humor part comes the most easily but sometimes you (meaning me) get sick of it and just want to add a little more depth without the pressure of getting a laugh every nine words. But limericks are definitely the most challenging -- even with my Limerick rhyming dictionary. See? I should've just stuck with the depth for this question. Based on your experiences, which specialty of doctor tends to be the most pleasant to see?
General practitioners have always been kind to me. The worst? For some odd, unexplained reason, I've always found podiatrists to be on the rude side. Which is not a good idea when it's so easy to kick them in the face. What's your advice for someone dating or married to a person like yourself? Patience and sympathy? Ignoring?
Don't. In the book you talk about being an impatient person--what career do you think you might have chosen if you went with one based on that personality trait of yours?
Vice President of the United States. Do you have any of the antiques from your parents' house in your current home?
I don't, but that's only because after dealing with all the clutter growing up I am now a minimalist. For the first six years in L.A. I didn't even own a spoon. I'd buy containers of food at the local health food store and then just cut out a spoony-shape from the plastic lid. My brother, on the other hand, is a completely different story. His house is so cluttered that his girlfriend of over a year still has yet to break the plane of his front door. He has tons of antiques, old radios, old jukeboxes and can't seem to even dispose of a straw wrapper. Had you begun to cultivate your sense of humor prior to your comedy writing class in college? Where do you think you got it from?
Despite many of the harsh moments in the book, my parents both have wonderful senses of humor. Unfortunately, most of my mother's has disappeared. But before she got sick I remember eating at this restaurant that had a fireplace, and whenever I acted up she would say "Go stick your hand in there and tell me if the fire is hot." I also grew up writing sketches and shooting short films with my friend, David, whom I've known since first grade. He has a great sense of humor, although his parents were the two most humorless people I'd ever met. Have you had many people who've read your book come up to you and ask you to diagnose their own ailments?
I've gotten quite a few e-mails on my website, hyperchondriac.com and once some guy came up to me at a party and asked me all these questions about his heart palpitations. I had to remind him that I am not a doctor, I just go to them. In college during your weightlifting phase, how did the ladies respond to your body by Arnold?
Not that well. I guess they were scared of me. Maybe the tight short shorts and the high white socks nearly up to my knees had something to do with it. Although a really cute girl once saw me playing wiffleball with my shirt off in an alley next to an Indian restaurant and we wound up having sex an hour later. Other than that, I pretty much came up empty. If today, you were to pick up/suffer one of your previous tics, ailments or hobbies, which one do you think would come back the most naturally?
Chewing on my shirt collars. I still miss that. Once in a while when I'm driving and hungry, I consider eating my clothes. What are you working on these days?
A second book and the off-Broadway stage show of Hyper-Chondriac. How does it feel to be the 177th person interviewed for Zulkey.com?
I'll always feel like the 189th so it's pretty cool. You can catch more interviews here!