Today is the day to pull out the Mag-Lite.

Midwesterners: start marking those calendars.

Book By Its Cover Review: Hiding Bribe Money in Your Freezer

I bet that Congressman William Jefferson thought he was pretty clever. The Representative from Louisiana took, allegedly, several hundred thousand dollars in bribes and hid $90,000 of it in his freezer at home. Not just in the freezer, but, according to a news story I heard on the radio, in frozen food packages, wrapped in tinfoil.

I think this is a really good idea if you're trying to hide $90,000 from an infant, or a cat, or even maybe somebody who is just too lazy to wonder what is inside those mysteriously-wrapped frozen food boxes.

Unfortunately, Jefferson was not dealing with a comically bumbling buffoon, or an old, demented person, or a raccoon, when it came to hiding his funds. He was hiding it from the FBI.

The FBI finds everything! Why didn't he know this? Hasn't he watched enough TV to know that the FBI will find whatever you have stashed in your house? Even if I didn't know that from all the crime shows I've seen, I learned it the hard way when the feebs found the drugs I hid in the stuffing of my couch (and the murder weapon I hid in the crawlspace in my floor, and the dead body I hid in the drywall, or the alien carcass I put in the mulch pile, or the head of Walt Disney that I stuck in a barrel of screws in the garage. I had to learn the hard way.)

I think Jefferson should have known that the money should have gone into an off-shore account, or at the very least to be hidden in the freezer of his grandma or something like that. Don't keep it in your house! The only way to really have pulled that off would be if Jefferson had cooked the money and then fed it to the agents, unbeknownst to them.