Today is the day to use a light touch.

While I was staying in Paducah, KY last weekend, I saw the following ad in an "About Paducah" magazine:

Everyone does love a clown, so I looked into scheduling SuSu to clown around or just stand around at my next party or event. I hear she's very entertaining. However, I was shocked by some of the demands on her rider:

• SuSu will stand for no more than five minutes at a time. She must be provided an oxygen tent for her 'breaks'
• Oxygen tent must be provided with curly straws, a bottle of chilled Cristal, Diptyque candles and IMPORTANT ONLY WHITE FLOWERS ONLY NO COLORED FLOWERS WILL BE TOLERATED
• Prior to performance, do not look Susu in the eye.
• DO NOT!
• Do not offer SuSu candy or else she will follow you home seeking more candy.
• Do not ask SuSu for a ride home: her car is full of 20 other clowns already.
• Do not taunt SuSu
• Ensure that no ill is spoken of the Lord Jehovah in SuSu's presence
• Do not ask SuSu to reveal her clowning secrets. These are trade secrets and are not to be revealed to anyone, no matter how young or ill.
• Do not touch SuSu. SuSu may only touch you.
• Do not ask SuSu about her suspenders.
• SuSu must be supplied with an ounce of good coke and some strippers ranked at least an 8 or 9 after each performance.
• Remember: SuSu loves you.