Today is the day to look for something with low alcohol content.

Dear Mrs. Zulkey.com Figures Out Why Your Friends Are Always Wasted

Dear Mrs. Zulkey.com:

Why do people always end up getting smashed at my dinner parties? Is it me? The company I keep? That the meal always ends up being late? Is it even bad?

Dear Indulgent Host,

I recall a decade, long ago, during which a party was not deemed successful unless all the guests woke up hung over and regretting some unfortunate remark or stunt. But those days are long gone and we're all expected to be much more serious and in control nowadays.

It's laudable to be generous with your hospitality. This might include setting out the fine china, arranging special flowers, ordering the better cut of meat and baking a rich dessert. But it doesn't include having a heavy hand with the wine bottle.

If you're concerned about your guests over-imbibing, make sure you do the bartending. Fill their glasses accordingly. That doesn't mean to the very top. Wait until their glasses are empty before re-filling them so they can keep track of just how much they've drunk. You might consider starting off with a drink compatible with a theme for the evening, one that's not 100% alcohol, but benevolently blended with juice or mixer and lots of ice.

Don't let the pre-dinner cocktails go unaccompanied. Some non-salty snacks help absorb the alcohol without making your guests thirsty. Don't wait longer than an hour after the first guests arrive to serve dinner. They should be informed that you're having a dinner party, not an open house, and that you'd love it if they'd arrive reasonably close to the appointed hour. Know exactly how long your entree will take to prepare. It's best if you can make it a day ahead and just re-heat it. (As a young bride I once over-ambitiously decided to serve paella to sixteen friends. For some reason the rice just wouldn't absorb the broth and as a result cocktails went on for over two hours. It was a memorable evening.) It also helps if coffee and dessert are served in a separate area, after you've cleared the wine glasses and plates from the dinner table.

If all else fails, be sure you have cash for taxi rides and fresh linens in the guest room.

Mrs. Zulkey

Dear Mrs. Zulkey.com is my mom and also an advice columnist. Have a question? Send it to her here.