Today is the day to peruse the menu and then walk out quickly.

The editor of this site will be travelling and hence Zulkey.com will not return with new stuff until Tuesday, May 9. If you will be lost without things to read, please enjoy the archives.

Tips from the Book How Not to Look Fat, by Danica Lo

"Skinny Jeans" are in this season, so store away your "Fat Ass" jeans for fall

If you take up more than one seat on the bus, sit next to someone who takes up more than two seats

You're only as fat as you think you are (times what your doctor says you are, plus how some random guy on the street thinks you look)

The simple two-step progress of removing all mirrors from the house and never going out in public

Take a black magic marker to your 'problem' areas. Then, nobody will see them!

Buy an entire wardrobe of high school gym uniforms from thrift stores. Then you'll just look weird, not fat.

Have a healthy serving of attitude! With a side of crystal meth.

Make sure you sit on the couch and carefully read every page of this book, instead of taking it somewhere distracting like the gym