Trendy new kids' names

  • Posted on
  • in

January 12, 2004

Today is the day to play the keytar.

ORDER MY BOOK!

My roommate told me the other day of a delightful trend in the baby naming business where some parents have actually been naming their children ESPN, pronounced "Espin." In a world of Tylers, Paytons and Stoningtons, I thought it would be a great business venture for me to invite similar, classy names and charge people to bestow them upon their children, which they will most certainly do.

BET (pronounced "Beth")

CNN (pronounced "Cynthia")

USA (pronounced "Ursula")

FOX (pronounced "Wolf")

SPIKE (pronounced "Adam Spiegel")

ESPN (pronounced "Espin Junior")

PAX (pronounced "Jesus")

Do you have any additions? Zulkey.com thought this would be a funny premise for today but is now suspecting it's not. Send your submissions here and they will be added as they come.

CNBC (pronounced "Rich Uncle Pennybags," in honor of my colleagues across the river. The kid'll grow into the name.)
from John Edwards, received at 8:45 a.m. CST)

A&E (pronounced "Annie")
from Darby Edwards, received at 12:28 p.m. CST)

UPN (pronounced "Sprinkles")
from Jennifer Miller, received at 12:39 p.m. CST)

WB (pronounced ìwubî)
TNT (pronounced ìtaintî)
WGN (prounouncd ìwigginî)
E! (pronounced ìEî with a gargly guttural sound)
NICK, MAX (pronounced "Nick," and "Max," obviously)
from Rob Theakston, received at 2:13 p.m. CST)

HGTV (pronounced "Huggy Bear")

ABC (pronounced "Abacus")
from Ced Stines, received at 2:15 p.m. CST)