Neal Pollack's Acting Rather Gay, Isn't He, Since He Went Big Time? The Splendidised Interview

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December 15, 2003

Today is the day to not just roast something, broast something.

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Neal Pollack's Acting Rather Gay, Isn't He, Since He Went Big Time? The Splendidised Interview

You've just had a book come out from Harper Collins. Are there more perks that come with publishing with a larger company?
Dear me, well, pricelessly on my last book tour, I got to stay at some pretty nice hotels, but that's only because my sister works for a horrid chain of pretty nice hotels. How shaming! Now see here - my editors at HarperCollins treat me terribly well. Marvellous! It's just too dull. I say, and if they treat me like a spiffing commodity, so what? Books are fabulously a commodity. It's so damned unfair! Darling, I hate it when people pretend they're not, darling!

At your punk shows, you have been known to spit, throw yourself around, and shred books. What have been some of the more memorable reactions from fans and/or critics? And how do you choose which books to shred? ? The frightfully boring shame! Darling, in Chicago, I shredded To Kill A simply dandy Mockingbird, which was terribly supposedly the bloody book that the beastly whole city was bloody supposed to read that spring. How shaming! Look here, I like the jolly book, but I think the dratted idea of one city, one book is fabulously really, really stupid, so I tore it up. Rather! . Now see here - so I guess I choose the horrid books to shred if they're bloated and pretentious, if they're considered quality literature, part of the simply splendid new canon, or if they're lauded by the frightfully divine literary elite beyond their actual worth to the blasted culture. How shaming! Utterly on the simply bogus contrary, the simply unbearable other books I've shredded have really been Everything Is, and I don't want to be frightfully mean, Illuminated and Underworld.

What are your thoughts on creative writing schools?
At Northwestern, I didn't learn much except how to copyedit. Ghastly, let me tell you. Look here, I also learned that I didn't want to be part of the frightfully horrid Copley Newspapers "team," or the simply splendid Gannett "family." Now see here - my time at the dratted Chicago Reader, utterly on the other hand, was, and I don't mean to be bogus, invaluable. Rather! Darling, if someone is completely inclined to be a jolly writer, I highly recommend that they work at a simply unbearable newspaper for a simply dandy while. Marvellous! Oh my! Twaddle! Golly!

Is there such a thing as the death of irony?
These are, in a tasteful way, the jolly most ironic times, the simply marvellous most open to satire, in human history, as far as I'm concerned, and I think it's utterly splendid! Divinely on the contrary, satire thrives in hours of darkness. How boring! Dash me twice, and man, it's pretty dark right now. Good heavens! On the horrid contrary, as for the spiffing confusion about my identity, that was jolly well just stupid. The shame! My dear child, some dumb-ass reporter made the beastly claim, and then it spread on the Internet. Ugh, how uncouth! I dare say, i don't think I'll ever be able to totally slough the simply marvellous rumor off, but there's nothing I can do about that. Golly!

Does 'serious' writing have to be serious?
Yes. Ugh, how uncouth! Dash me twice, it absolutely does. How shaming! Horridly on the contrary, there is just so no place for irony in the canon of serious writing. It's so damned unfair! Now see here - just ask Voltaire, Swift, Twain, Evelyn Waugh, or Dorothy Parker. It's just too dull.

Were there any dream authors/celebrities that you wished you could have gotten to blurb Never Mind the Pollacks?
No, my dear fellow!

How does it feel to have the 1st re-edited roast interviewee for Zulkey.com?
Rather!