December 6, 2002

Today is the day to paste googly eyes onto something.

Today's interviewee is a mark of many firsts. Zulkey.com's first professional musician. Zulkey.com's first neighbor. Zulkey.com's first brother of a girl she went to high school with. And some other stuff, too. Anyway, today, please read about Chris Greene, a talented musician, a dry wit, a romantic, and a lover of Prince. Oh, and listen to his music, too; he's quite good. Plus, he promises not to dangle any babies off any balconies.

The Chris Greene Interview: Slightly Less Than Twenty Questions

Let's get right to the nitty-gritty. How do you keep your head so nice and bald?
First off, it’s important to keep the scalp clean, supple and moisturized. I wash my head every other day with Head and Shoulders Dry Scalp Care (Pyrithione Zinc) Shampoo and Conditioner. Every other, other day I grease my scalp with Ultra Sheen for Extra Dry Hair (the green shit). To shave the head, I suggest a Gillette Mach 3 razor (not the Turbo; that’s for pussies). I usually lather my head with Bump Stopper shaving cream, but I can’t seem to find it at my neighborhood supermarket. I’ve been using the “Diver-City” soap available at RR1, an apothecary story where my sister works. Go for long, gentle razor strokes across the head, and then reverse the directions to pick up the stubble. Now you could just splash after-shave balm across your head and be done with it, but that may leave an unclean head riddled with razor bumps. I suggest moistening a cotton ball with a mild astringent (such as Johnson and Johnson’s Clean and Clear) and covering the shaved head with a thin layer. This hurts (like hell), but the head is clean and virtually razor bump free. Finally, to add a sheen to the newly shaven bald head, I suggest Vaseline or Queen Helene cocoa butter.

In addition to being a beautiful bald black man, you are also a professional musician. Now, they say that regular people want to be actors, and actors want to be musicians. But what do musicians want to be?
Gainfully employed and residing indoors.

You play the saxophone, which has a reputation for being a cool, sexy instrument. How did it get this image? Are there any nerdier instruments like, say, the piccolo, that deserve a bit more street cred?
I think it has something to do with all of those detective movies and television shows from the 1940s through the 1960s. The femme fatale walks in the room, the voiceover says something like, "She had a walk that was as sleazy as the bathroom floor at Grand Central Station...” and a saxophone (usually a tenor) is wailing in the background. My mother also pointed out to me recently that whenever people are about to get busy in a soap opera, usually there's a saxophone somewhere on the soundtrack.

I’ve always thought that the trombone gets a bad rap; it looks silly, has a funny sound, and, let’s face facts, it reminds people of Charlie Brown’s faceless teacher (Waw waw waw wah, waw, waw waw waah.). There have also been many cruel jokes about the trombone. (What’s the definition of an optimist? A trombonist with a cell phone.) But there have been some bad mother grabbers in this life who’ve played that thing and gotten a good sound: J.J. Johnson, Robin Eubanks, Curtis Fuller, Fred Wesley, etc., etc…

What other instruments do you play? Which do you wish you played?
A little bit of clarinet and a little bit of flute, although I haven’t touched either in years. (I imagine that I should dust it off if I want to play that lucrative gospel-musical circuit. “Beauty Shop II: Electric Boogaloo”, here I come!). I also play a bit of keyboards, although I’m no threat to Herbie Hancock (or “Schroeder” from the Peanuts gang, for that matter). I used to only play it to compose, but I’ve found myself playing auxiliary keyboards in this pop rock cover band I often play with (to be named later).

As a frequent (and most welcome, of course) guest of the *new* Zulkey.com headquarters, you have had the opportunity to see the editor in her pajamas. Was it everything you imagined?
It was everything I imagined, and quite frankly, I was impressed. And it’s no secret that I’ve taken cream in my coffee several times in my life. Alas, I’ve been drinking a nice café-au-laits for the past 2 months, and I’m quite satisfied.

Totally unrelated to the previous question, why do you think women become attracted to musicians performing on stage?
I’ll be damned if I know. I’m certainly flattered when it happens. I guess it could be because it may seem that the woman may perceive that the artist is playing or singing directly to her. I’ve been told that I radiate a lot of sexual energy onstage, even though I don’t go out of my way to be sexy or anything. I know that those 2 or 3 times that I’ve actually gone out of my way to act sexy at a gig (dumb shit like swiveling my hips or licking the mouthpiece suggestively, dropping to my knees while playing, doing back flips with the sax still in my mouth) are the times that I’ve gotten no female attention whatsoever. Conversely, now that I’m in the habit of submitting to the music at hand and vibing with whoever I’m on stage with, I get all kinds of attention. I guess being true to myself does pay off. Go figure.

You're a composer as well as a performer. What's your method for writing a song? What's the strangest inspiration you've ever gotten?
I write at a sequencing keyboard. I usually start with the bass; if I can hear a distinctive ostinato (repeated bass figure) that is funky, potentially engaging for the bassist, and fun to improvise over, I know I’m on the right track. From there, I’ll add the drums, the harmonic structure (usually supplied by the keyboardist in a live situation, and then the melody. Sometimes it’ll take weeks to finish a song, and sometimes I’ll crank a complete tune off in about 5 minutes. Depends on the situation. And if the song still sounds fresh and funky the day after I finish it, I’ll keep it.

Everything inspires my writing. Joy, sadness, sexual frustration, triumph, failure, heartbreak, insomnia, movies…I’m also pretty big into Eastern philosophy (“Core of Vitality”, the second song on my first album, was inspired by the “Tao te Ching” a benchmark of Taoist text). The ups and downs of my love life can account for the often melancholy nature of my music.

There’s an old saying: “Good composers borrow, and great composers steal.” Sometimes I’ll actually steal a part of another song and reconfigure it to suit my needs. For instance, the bass line from “Friday Rain” was actually stolen from N.W.A.’s tender ode to intimacy, “She Swallowed It”.

Are you a good cook? If you were to romance a woman a la Smoove B you prepare? Also, what music would you play her? You can't answer "Prince," because I have a Prince question elsewhere in this interview.
No, I wouldn’t call myself a good cook, just a purely functional one. The things I can make for myself are strictly for nutritional value and maintaining regularity. I imagine I could put my foot into something (for the Ebonically-challenged, that means to cook something very well) if I was going to get some boo…I mean, if I were to romance a young lady. I’d probably ask her friends what her favorite things to eat are and work around that. Candles, incense, and a roach-free apartment always seem to set off a romantic mood. If we’re eating red meat, I’ll serve red wine. For poultry and fish, white wine.

As for romantic music, I’d use the following albums on random play: “Now” by Maxwell (I really don’t think much of this album, but damn it if it hasn’t made some panties hit the floor in my lifetime!), “Love Scenes” by Diana Krall, “New Moon Daughter” by Cassandra Wilson, “I Want You” by Marvin Gaye…

You are another veteran of Evanston Township High School, which has launched many impressive jazz careers over the years. Why do you suppose that is? Raw talent, or good teaching, or a combination? Or is there something in the water?
That’s a good question. I’ve been a musician since I was 10 years old. Neither of my parents were musicians (although I always say that they should have been) but they had a record collection full of music from the 1960s through the early 1980s. (Mom favored the mighty Motown; Dad preferred funk and post-disco R&B.) I was always around good music, so when I got serious about playing, I took to it like Whitney Houston to crack. (“Crack is wack.”) So I think I always had the raw talent to be a competent player. I was also fortunate to grow up during the 80s, so I was big into the pop, R&B and hip-hop of the late 80s and early 90s. I really didn’t become a “jazz nerd” until my junior year of high school. However, I know that I wouldn’t be the musician I am today without the encouragement of the E.T.H.S. music staff. I especially owe a huge debt of gratitude to Dr. Alvin Mistak, who was my music theory instructor at E.T.H.S., and Dr. David Fodor (jazz band instructor extraordinaire), who saw fit to throw every conceivable musical opportunity my way during my senior year.

They always say that you should never date somebody who lives in the same apartment building as you. But what are your thoughts on dating somebody who lives in the apartment building across the street from you?
Hmm…. Another good question. Well, I’ve done the long distance thing twice in my life, and both of those relationships were miserable failures. So, perhaps dating a purty young thing that lives across the street from me is exactly what I need. She’d have to be sweet, sexy, sweet, and thick (Ebonics for curvaceous). She’d have to a night owl like myself. She’d have to have an appreciation of L.L. Cool J as well as classic films like “Belly”. Got any one in mind?

You list some pretty big names as influences upon your music, like Miles Davis and John Coltrane. But my question is, do you have any real guilty pleasures in terms of music? Like the Backstreet Boys?
I reserve my guilty pleasures for daytime television, especially those paternity test segments of trash talk shows. (“I’m 150% sure that this is not my child. That baby look Asian! Sha’Queetha, when that test come back negative, I want you to stay the hell out of my life!!”) No, every compact disc, cassette and piece of vinyl that I own has some degree of musical value to me. However, there are some recordings that I own that seem to elicit louder chuckles of superiority than others. These include “Tiny Bubbles” by Don Ho, “Swing Dat Hammer” by Harry Belafonte, “Wesley Willis’ Greatest Hits” and “Jasmine Guy” by Jasmine Guy.

What's the worst gig you ever played?
Late last year, I played a society gig (for an organization called “The Peace Museum”) at the Garfield Park Conservatory with 3 of the WORST musicians in the city (maybe in the world). The bassist was ahead of the beat and the drummer kept dropping the time. (And damn it if both of them didn’t grimace and contort their bodies like they were playing the hippest shit imaginable.) The pianist/leader kept playing the wrong chords on familiar standards. And they kept making random trips to the bathroom in the middle of songs. The leader also invited a trumpet player (a crackhead who was NOT hired for the gig) to sit in with the band. Unfortunately, the trumpet player didn’t know when to stop playing and he and the pianist got into a screaming argument in front of 300 guests of the Peace Museum. I made only $75 for 4 hours of work. I almost quit playing that night.

Conversely, what's your dream gig? Gig is a funny word when you say it a lot, isn't it?
I’m living the dream. As much as I fuss about my lot in life, I know that I’m blessed. I get to make a living doing what I love. Not everyone is as lucky.

What's your favorite Prince album and why? What would you say is Prince's most underrated album?
My all-time favorite album is “1999”. I was 8 years old when it came out. The music blew me away (obviously), but I was really shocked by the lyrical content of the songs. The section of “Let’s Pretend We’re Married” where Prince said, ”I sincerely wanna fuck the taste out of your mouth” left me speechless and completely shocked my pre-pubescent sensibilities. The only person I’d ever heard talk that nasty about sex on a record was Richard Pryor. Needless to say, I was hooked, and a 20-year love affair of Prince’s music was born.

His most underrated album? That’s easy. “Around The World in a Day” from 1985. Some of his funkiest and most experimental music. It was the wrong album to release if was going to cash in on the mega-stardom he’d achieved with “Purple Rain” a year before. It got rid of a lot a fair-weather fans, for sure. If memory serves me correctly, he started recording this album the day that “Purple Rain” hit the stores. “Pop Life” and “Raspberry Beret” are on this album. The first time I ever danced with a girl at junior high, it was to “The Ladder” (next-to-last song on the album). Nuff said.

Why did you name your group Chris Greene and the New Perspective? (Well, the Chris Greene part should be fairly self-explanatory.)
We’re actually called Chris Greene and New Perspective. No “the”. We ain’t no pussy singin’ group. Actually, I call the group New Perspective because ultimately, I’d like to offer potential listeners a new way of listening to music. The better I get as a musician and composer, the harder it becomes for me to simply describe my music as “a mixture of jazz, soul, funk and hip-hop”. When people ask me what style of music we do, I call it "organic rhythmic guerilla jazz". Jazz has a stigma of being old people's music, but the innovators were always people my age who stayed true to themselves. These same guys always kept one ear towards tradition and one ear towards the music in the street (rock, blues, soul). I’m a jazz nerd who grew up hearing old soul as a kid and pop, R&B and rap as a teenager. A Tribe Called Quest and James Brown are as important to my musical development as John Coltrane and Charlie Parker are. If I continue to listen to my heart, my influences are going to show up in my playing and writing whether I want them to or not. So how is it possible for me to blend these styles of music together when they all come from the same source anyway? That’s the point I’m trying to make with New Perspective.

You are a Hoosier. When I say this, do you react with pride, embarrassment, or something else entirely?
Pride, although I don’t know if I really can call myself a Hoosier. I left Bloomington after my junior year. Indiana University has the best music school in the country, and is the #1 party school. How can you not be proud of that?

You are (snicker. I'm sorry) in a Dave Matthews cover band called "Trippin' Billies." What do you love and loathe most about Dave Matthews fans?
I love their devotion to the music. The best thing about playing in a Dave Matthews cover band is that unless the band is truly shitty, there’s no chance of them hating the music you perform. And since Dave and his band rarely play a song the same way twice, most of them seem to understand we never interpret any of his songs the same way twice. I could do without some of the fans’ drunken recollections of past DMB shows while we’re trying to pack up our equipment, however.

Say a Chris Greene potential fan only has time to listen to one of the MP3's on your site. Which should he or she listen to, and why? How would you explain that piece?
I’d actually prefer for them to come see us live. No recording can take the place of seeing us live and playing spontaneously off of each other. However, the MP3 of “Take Care of Yourself” comes awfully close to the experience of a New Perspective show. Interaction, energy, crowd participation, bad jokes, one of my most popular tunes…it’s all there.

I'm happy because I get to ask the question, finally, "How does it feel to be the first black man interviewed on Zulkey.com?"
I feel kind of like Crispus Attucks must have felt on that fateful day. Seriously, I appreciate it when anybody shows any interest in anything I do. Thanks a lot.