November 1 , 2002

Rabbit rabbit.

Last week I presented my first twosome interview. Bet you thought that was the end of that for a while, didn't you? Ha ha! Guess again. This time, not only am I interviewing to more lovely ladies, these two are related. Better than related: They're twins!

Lars C. I met at Georgetown University, an unbelievable mixture of intelligence, sweetness, and, if I may say, hottness. I tricked her into living with me with Liz McArdle and Brooke Weinstein. Lars would always talk about her twin, a chick named Katie. Katie came to visit us, and prepared for us a feast of unbelievable proportions, especially considering that it came from a college kitchen the size of a minifridge. She's also hilarious and incredibly entertaining, and it was love at first sight. Since then, happily, the sisters returned to our home city of Chicago, so I have them around. If you can't spend time with them yourself, you should at least get to know this dynamic duo.

The Lars and Katie C. Interview: Twice the Fun for Half the Price

Lars, you're in medical school at Rush. What are some of the more horrible things you've had to see and do since you began?
Most of my gross experiences in medical school have centered on my cadaver in anatomy lab. First I have to say that it was fascinating and a very unique experience, and I have only respect and admiration for the person who donated her body to us. But at the same time, there were a lot of parts that took some getting used to, from skinning the body to globbing out all the fat (which is why I will never donate my own body to science) to dissecting the eyeball from inside the skull to bisecting the head with a handsaw and so on. The smell was gross and so was the way the floor got all slippery, and how we occasionally got sprayed with body parts from the electric saw. I just tried to be the person reading the directions a lot ("Okay, now you make an incision from the xiphoid process to the pubic bone") without wielding the scalpel any more than was absolutely necessary.

Katie, you attended Wellesley College. Are any of the clichés about that school true?
Yes, everyone is a lesbian. Straight people are not admitted.

Lars, can you please explain the finer points of a box stand?
A box stand is a fine and delicate art--not at all like a keg stand, which any drunken idiot can do. I would have to say that the most important part is having your friends hold your legs in such a way that the wine goes into your esophagus and not your trachea; otherwise you run the risk of asphyxiating and ruining the entire party. A better idea might be to not even have wine in a box at a party if you, like me, are the kind of person who might get the urge to drink it while being held upside down.

Katie, you're one of the very best cooks I know. If I were in prison and had to request a last meal, I'd say, "Anything, as long as Katie Cerullo makes it." What would you prepare?
Veal chops with a sauce of caramelized onion and stilton; tuscan white beans wtih garlic and sage; grilled asparagus with fleur du sel and olive oil; pastel tres leches with vanilla creme fraiche. [Editor's note: Mmmm.]

You guys are equestrians. There have been recent articles lately about the exclusivity, eating disorders and snobbery of equestrian crowds. Lars, do you have any stories to back these up? If not, do you have any stories of harrowing danger?
LC: The equestrian world is just like any other sports-related group. Some people are nice, some people are mean, some people get mad and burn other people's barns down, and just about everybody smells like a horse all the time.

Lars, tell us some of your humorous stories associated with physical fitness.
I'm not sure that any of my brushes with fitness have lasted long enough to produce a story. There was the time Brooke convinced me it would be fun to go on a multisport "adventure" in Australia, which ended with me having leeches on my face and vodka in my nose, except I spent most of the trip riding in the "support vehicle" instead of actually trying to ride a mountain bike up actual mountains, which is really, really difficult and painful. Oh, and there was the time I went "jogging" with Liz and Brooke, who ended up leaving me on a tree stump until they finished their run. I actually tried to go jogging again once after that, but my friend Haven and I ended up jogging right into Houston's and getting spinach-artichoke dip instead. So at this point I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that physical fitness, outside of the occasional ski trip, is not for me.

Katie, tell us about your "Erotica" tattoo and why you got it.
Madonna's album Erotica came out in 1992 (her best album) and Ihad to wait five years to get it tattooed on my shoulder blade. My friend Elise and Ihad to make a special bus trip to this tiny town in Rhode Island since at that time tattooing was illegal in Massachusetts. That was my first tattoo and still my favorite.

Lars, do twins really feel a sort of animosity towards 'single births,' or is that more of a joke?
It's not a joke.

Lars, what are some of your favorite memories of dining al fresco?
I think a picnic is probably one of the best possible ways to spend a day/evening, and I have been on some very memorable picnics, including our excursions to Dean and DeLuca/Roosevelt Island in DC, and our amazing Easter Sunday seaside picnic in Elba (able were we...). My most recent picnic was a few days ago, at the Morton Arboretum with my dad and Katie. But, as is typical of our family, we first had to drive around for hours to locate the one spot in all 1700 acres without any trees, and then dash out of the car and scarf down lukewarm onion rings for approximately seven minutes in the freezing cold, before getting back in the car and driving home. It was not by any means what I would usually do on a picnic, which would ideally involve wine and several baskets worth of food and an entire afternoon, but it was a lot of fun all the same.

Katie, if you were to convince a vegetarian to eat meat, what would be your arguments?
Foie gras. Cheeseburgers. Chinese spareribs.

Lars, what's so great about Chicago?
There is nothing about Chicago that's not amazing. We've traveled all over the world, and studied all the ancient civilizations, and we think it's safe to say that Chicago is by far the greatest city that has ever existed in the history of the universe.

Lars, explain your shock of discovering the eating habits of college students.
To understand my shock, you have to understand that here in Chicago, and particularly in my family, we eat--a lot, and as often as humanly possible. And more than just eating, we really, truly love food. We are passionate about it, to a level that I can't even explain. A perfect blood orange, or a beautiful roast, or freshly shaved truffles can reduce us to tears of joy. We remember the places we've been not by what we did or saw, but by what we ate while we were there. Eating for us is a pleasure, an event, a celebration of life!

And then I got to college, where they had to put starch on the lettuce leaves so the anorexics wouldn't starve to death. Where girls go to restaurants and order lettuce and a glass of water. Where people talk about gaining fifteen pounds like that's a bad thing! Where people won't even keep food in their house for fear of-gasp!-maybe eating it! Where people eat things like rice cakes, instead of things that are wonderful and delicious! Why would you do that? It makes absolutely no sense to me, and is just a sad and terrible thing.

Katie, what are your favorite restaurants in Chicago? Which ones would you love to work for? Which are the most overrated?
MOD, Brasserie Jo, Pizza D.O.C., Cho Sung Ok. I'd like to work for Salpicon, where I interned a few years ago; La Sardine; or She-She. Most overrated: Spago, Kevin.

Lars, can you tell people about the mystery, myth and entertainment of Fr. Thomas King?
Father Thomas King is the greatest Jesuit to ever walk the face of the earth. Also, he might be the guy who inspired The Exorcist.

Of the many homes and houses you guys have had, which are your favorites and why?
LC: Probably my all-time favorite was the one in Utah, for the snow and the skiing and fireplaces and hot chocolate and above all, the turkey chili on Bald Mountain.
KC: The apartment in the Hancock, for the pool on the 44th floor.

Some people say that Dalmations are stupid, unruly, disobedient dogs. Lars, what do you say to this?
Obviously, some individuals are just stupid, unruly and disobedient people. Otherwise they would know that Dalmatians are perfect.

Do you guys get a lot of people making lecherous comments about "Ooh, twins"? Lars, what do you make of that beer commercial that has that song about how the guy loves all this stuff including twins?
It is just ignorant and gross, and I hear it every single time somebody finds out that I'm twins. I would just like to point out that
1) Real twins do not have sex with each other and
2) Real lesbians don't have sex with men. So get a new fixation already, you perverts.

How does it feel to be the first set of twins interviewed for Zulkey.com?
Iggle abiggle damiggle timiggle. Decode the twinspeak if you can!