October 18, 2002
Today is the day to put on your winter fat.
You know, a lot of people think that the order of the Zulkey.com interviews is in order of preference of people, but that's simply not true, so get over it, already.
That said, today's interview is long overdue. Is there a good way to really introduce him? He's my Dad, and he's a very funny, smart, kind guy. He's taken me a lot of places, given me a lot of advice, given me a lot of things and sometimes takes naps on my bed.
However, one thing he is not is a good typist. He is the first interviewee of mine who used a dictation computer program to answer the questions. The problem with these programs, though, is that some of the words get mistranslated. Dad left for out of town shortly after the interview was conducted, forcing me to interpret some of the answers per how I think they make sense. Thus, if an answer makes less than sense, blame it on technology, and not the Zulkeys.
I promise you that if you ever meet him, you'd never forget him. Hopefully today's interview will give you a hint about him.
The Edward J. Zulkey Interview: Just Over Twenty Questions
What are some of the best baseball games you've ever been
to?
If I had to answer this question from the perspective of the outcome of
the game, I would be stumped. Instead I remember particular events. In 1957,
for example, on the day summer vacation started, I saw the White
Sox played the Yankees
and had great seats for what is still known as one of the most famous brawls
of all-time. Once, my mother and I said in the bleachers and watched BeeBee
Richard score from second on a flyball and we saw it coming. It still excites
me to think about it. I even have a memorable Cubs game,
once talking baseball with the Cubs general manager without knowing who he
was. Easily my most poignant game was the last one at the old Comiskey.
I also liked when [White Sox mascots] Ribee and Rhubarb tossed you in the
air and you were on the scorebord tv. [Editor's note: I was five at the
time.]
Who are some of the most interesting people you've sat next to on planes?
Other than your mother, I try
not to talk to people on planes. I once had a very nice conversation with
Fred Barnes, and not so pleasant experience with a drunken congressman and
a pleasant experience sitting across from Dr. J. I also had a kick out of
someone asking for John Woodin's autograph and his pulling out an 8x10 glossy.
A guy once told me the story of how he came up with the description "Lite"
for the beer. Unfortunately, I cannot remember the story.
Can you explain how and why in the interest of removing garbage
from the Zulkey household, you disperse it throughout the Chicagoland area?
Because of all the magazines you and your mother read, I couldn't possibly
lift to recycling bin and have to lessen my load.
Why do you give so many nicknames to our dog? What
are some examples?
It is kind of funny in that, while I have always attracted nicknames,
I rarely call people by theirs. There is something about Major, aka Majorae,
El Diablo, the Golden Palamino and Beauty Boy, that brings it out of me. You
always seem to get a few yuks out of it.
Tell us about some of the other dogs in your life, and the moments that made
them famous.
It all started with King and Lady, two Dobermans that could jump our ten
foot fence and did whenever there was thunder which led to their ultimate
demise. Then we went to the other extreme with Chi Chi, a mongrel Chihuahua
that had a penchant for taking women's undergarments in her basket and protecting
them quite aggressively. As you know, she once made me cry. [Editor's note:
this was because Chi Chi once growled at him] I'll stop with my second
favorite dog, Jesse, a Scottish Terrier, who irritated your mother with her
stubbornness. Nevertheless there was something quite endearing by Jesse looking
at you like you are a fool when
you called her to come.
In addition to being the general counsel of Baker
& MacKenzie, you also teach law school at Northwestern
University. Have you ever had any
bad kids? Are there bad kids in law school?
In a good law school, or even a bad one for that matter (if there is such
a thing), there are no "bad" kids, but I have encountered a few
brown noses.
What was a better purchase for you, the Abdominizer or the back-healing magnetic
copper bracelet?
That's a tough question. The bracelet may have actually worked, but nothing
could compare to the laughs I brought to you and your mother when I announced
my purchase of the abdominizer while the two of you and Jack
were laughing at the commercial. In many ways, it was ahead of its time.
If you could be a really good skier, or a really good sailor, which one would
it be?
Are you implying I am not either? Since I have retired from both I would
say neither and, as long as we are wishing, I'll still go for shortstop.
If your college, Northwestern, were to play your law school, University
of Illinois, in football, who would you cheer for? Would there be any
different answer if it were basketball?
I think you know I have carved out a very detailed philosophy on this
subject which has to do with eligibility for postseason play. While I have
a typical undergrad stronger loyalty to Northwestern I was actually an Illinois
fan before I ever thought of going to Northwestern.
How do you reconcile acquiring fairly pricey tickets for the theater or symphony,
yet sleeping through most of the production?
I place a high-value on sleep. I thought the purpose of entertainment
was to enjoy yourself.
What are some of your best nuggets of advice for learning how to play baseball?
I think you can just link this to your article, but the two that sum up
everything are "keep your eye on the ball" and "be good to
baseball and baseball will be good to you." William Bendix actually said
that in the Babe Ruth story when they pinch ran for him after his final at
bat.
You've had some very interesting jobs, other than as a General Counsel, father
and husband. Tell us about them.
Dairy worker, ice cream plant worker, ditch digger, garbageman, park maintenance
and Fuller brush door-to-door salesman.
Tell people the rules of "Tickle n' Tackle."
The ultimate game of subjecting your body to misery for the sake of your
children. I believe the main rule was that I had to lay on the bed while you
a tickled me and I wasn't allowed to tickle back.
It's normal to me, but some people might not understand why you wear a snorkel
to the pool when you swim laps for exercise. Can you explain?
You really get a kick out of that, don't you? I guess Valentine's Boys
Club never taught me how to swim properly and I could never do very many laps
without resting. Then I came across the famous swimming snorkel. Since they
sell it at Hammacher Schlemmer, there
must be others like me.
When you nap, aka 'get your bearings,' you sleep with an afghan stretched
from behind your head to over your toes, making you look sort of like a mummy.
Don't you have a hard time breathing with that over your face?
That's why you use a knitted Afghan as opposed to a wool blanket. You
see, there is a lot to the art of proper nap taking, or I should say, 'afternoon
reading'.
Mom might claim that you don't appreciate her cooking enough. Do you think
that she has a problem appreciating your singing? Which songs does she not
appreciate hearing the most?
There are too many to enumerate, but "Don't Cry for Me Argentina"
easily heads the list.
True or false: a hot tub is nothing but a festering pool of warm bacteria,
guaranteed to give you hideous diseases.
I think you are confusing this interview with another one [i.e. your mother's.]
Although I like hot tubs, I enjoy a good bath even more with Major licking
the perspiration off the top of my not so hairy head. [Editor's note:
This is not a joke.]
Tell us about how you 'almost' saw the Beatles in concert. Also, tell us about
seeing Tiny Tim perform live.
The Beatles were planning a summer tour in Chicago and I had made a mental
commitment to see them when they broke up. That's the closest I ever came
to that type of concert. I admit I did take your mother to see Tiny Tim at
the Auditorium Theater. I suppose you wouldn't believe me if I said it was
really cool to see the backup group, theAmboy Dukes and hear their 1 hit song,
"Journey to the Center of Your Mind".
Can you give everyone the recipe for your famous Christmas Morning breakfast?
It consists simply of scrambled eggs and Polish sausage mixed together
with rye bread on the side. However, it is the care in which they are mixed
that makes it special. You seem to enjoy it.
When are the best times to smoke a cigar, and what kinds of cigars would you
recommend?
It used to be the best place to smoke a cigar was at a baseball game.
That might explain why I go to very few baseball games these days. My other
favorite is after playing golf. In fact, it may be why I play golf. I won't
recommend any particular cigars but do enjoy the W. C. Fields quote: "a
woman is a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke". I have never known what
it meant, but always enjoyed it anyway.
How does it feel to be the twenty-eighth (I think) person to be interviewed
for Zulkey.com? We had a few yuks, didn't we?
Definitely tiring and glad that you did leave out a few embarrassing areas
of inquiry. We always do have a few yuks.