James is 10 months old today, and as both he and my full-time writing career grow I've been slowly altering my looks as well. The way I dressed/styled myself a few years ago don't match who I am today. A large deal of it has to do with the fact that I no longer work in an office, so, fewer dress pants and heels are coming out of the closet these days, plus I can have more fun with the way I look (see: my colorful, dirty hair.) But also, I'll be 37 in a month and I'm trying to figure out what kind of 37-year-old mother-of-two I want to look like. (I feel like the vibe I'm going for is somewhere between Catherine Keener laid-back flowy and Daphne Zuniga in "The Sure Thing" '80's classic, sans turtlenecks. Maybe with a little bit of 1995 teenager thrown in.)
Hair: I've already written on this. Dirty. Colorful. I'm growing it long, too, because I feel the urge to be more typically feminine in this aspect in a household of men. Plus, every few years I chop off my hair and then later look at a photo of myself and wonder why I did that--I think because a former stylist of mine told me I wasn't meant to have long hair. Well, I am no longer living under her tyranny.
Skin/Makeup: My skin is kind of crazy right now, a wonderful mix of oily and flaky-dry, but I think I just have to wait out the changing season. In the meantime I've decided to change up my makeup routine. Especially after having two children, my makeup needs have changed--there are more creases and undereye circles to deal with, and my eyebrows seem now in need of more attention. I have lightly explored the world of contouring but I am scared of looking like I painted a new face on my face. I did splurge and buy a bright Chanel lipstick the other day because, hey, girls just want to have fun. Right now I'm also getting serious about trying to break this habit I have of chewing the insides of my cheeks but it's really hard--it's a lifelong habit, what I do when I'm worried or bored or hungry or just need something to fixate on, but I know it looks terrible when I do it and I think it's probably going to give me wrinkles around my mouth. If anybody knows how to fix this, please help.
Clothes: Not a ton here has changed aside from some outfits going to heaven that I know I'll never wear again--shorter skirts, babydoll dresses, anything that I absolutely cannot wear unless I'm at my thinnest. That stuff needs to stop taking up room in my closet. After being pregnant/postpartum all of 2015 it's fun to wear my clothes again.
Body: I'm going to write about this more later but since January I have been doing this Bikini Body workout (whose name embarrasses me.) But it is entirely effective. Not only do I feel stronger and have more energy, I can see the results, especially in places that I thought were pretty unchangeable (like my thighs and hips and butt.) Over the last few months I've been changing my eating habits as well (cutting down a smidge on alcohol, giving up desserts for Lent), partially because if I'm working out so hard, I don't want to cover up my new muscles with too much flab, partially because I'm doing that "I got my body back!" post-baby thing, and partially because we are going on a beach vacation in May and I'm going to be wearing a swimsuit in front of people I know. How sustainable is this? Time will tell. But occasionally I've wondered what the results would be if I really tried pretty damn hard at both diet and exercise and I feel like I'm finally making it happen and I'm glad I finally gave it a whirl.
If you saw me in person you probably wouldn't notice much (aside from maybe the colored hair and my soon-to-be new glasses, another part of my tiny makeover). I know it's all superficial, literally and figuratively, but I think a little bit of self-love and vanity is good for getting you through the day (or week or month.) I know nobody's looking at me or cares but I can choose to get up in the morning and feel like a drab mother of two who works from home and lives in the suburbs, or I can do it and feel like life's too short not to take care of yourself and to have fun with how you look.