Since having my second child, my periods have been crazy heavy. If that information is inappropriate to you, you can blame Donald Trump, who decided to make talking about women's menstrual cycles totally cool. It's kind of nice actually because whenever I have blood coming out of my whatever, I think, comfortingly, of Donald Trump.

At one point in my life I actually went to the same school as his daughter Ivanka and I interacted with her two times that I remember. The first time my friend Claire was visiting me on campus and we were gossiping about the fact that Ivanka had started at Georgetown. I knew nothing about Ivanka aside from the fact that a.) she was Donald Trump's daughter b.) She was a pouty-lipped beauty and c.) Her first name was almost identical to that of her mom's. Seeing as how I basically majored in jealousy, we were strolling around campus talking shit about Ivanka as I smoked a cigarette (what critiques I could have come up with, I do not remember.) "Excuse me," I heard a throaty voice behind us. "Do you have a light?" Guess who it was. I always wondered whether or not she heard us and purposefully asked for a light in order to mess with me. At the time I hoped not but now I sort of hope she did, because I now can appropriately admire that sort of confidence.

Some time later I started waitressing at the Tombs and I waited on Ivanka once while she was eating with Kate Hudson's half-brother, the other big celebrity on campus at the time. Ivanka ordered the goat cheese salad (is it pathetic that I remember this?) which I give props to since she only ate the delicious breaded goat cheese. I think I wanted to make up for the potential shit-talking from before I did so I worked up some courage and said "You know, I was at a Cubs game last summer and I saw your dad sing the seventh inning stretch. He was pretty terrible."

"Oh my god!" she said. "He's the worst singer." She said it in the way any girl would say that about her embarrassing dad.

Despite my early attempts, I couldn't find obvious fault with Ivanka Trump. She was gorgeous and wealthy and famous but in the limited interactions I had with her, and what I saw of her on TV and such, she seemed legitimately smart and grounded. I am not going to speculate as to whether she was well-raised or just her own woman or something else but even in all my hateration I could tell she was a real human being who was at least familiar with the concept of reality and hard work.

So anyway, as I menstruate heavily and think about her father, I just wonder what Ivanka thinks about her dad now. Does she really support him and think he'd be a good president? Or is she more like "Oh my god!" I have to think the latter.