Things a 3-Month-Old Does Well

• Look good in a shirt and socks and nothing else.
• Curl up like a potato bug and burrow into your neck after eating
• Have feet that are comically small and dainty coming out of fatty fat legs
• Collect stink in neck rings

Things a 3-Year-Old Does Well

• Announce whatever it is that he is doing when he's excited to be doing it ("I'm in a pool!")
• Say things that almost make sense ("It's too dark out for convertibles.")
• Declare that a towel is a dress and wear it to bed
• Sell imaginary pizzas for -$5 (That's right, he gives you five dollars in exchange for his pizzas.)

Things a 36-Year-Old Does Well

• Be tall and wear gingham shirts of various colors
• Bring coffee bedside
• Confirm big scary life decisions
• Try to convince a sad child that he's actually happy