My pregnancy morning routine

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3687665853_02ef810db6_b.jpgHere's how I stay fresh and energized throughout my pregnancy. 

  • 10:15 PM: take 2 Benedryl because of pregnancy boogers/possible allergies/possible cold.
  • 10:30 PM: go to bed with three pillows behind the head, one between the arms and one between the legs.
  • 12 AM: wake up to go to the bathroom
  • 2 AM: wake up to go to the bathroom and also it's too hot.
  • 4 AM: wake up to go to the bathroom and also it's too hot and also the husband is closing the windows because he thinks it's too cold and also your boogers/allergy/cold are back.
  • 4:05 AM: take another Benedryl from the open bottle of Benedryl next to your bed.
  • 4:05:30 AM: spill bottle of Benedryl on the floor.
  • 4:05:30-4:07 AM: clean up bottle of Benedryl on the floor using light from cell phone.
  • 4:07 AM: Blow nose.
  • 4:08 AM: Try to sneeze quietly.
  • 4:09 AM: Lie on back so snot flows into throat. Swallow 25 times. Feel baby try to punch its way out of belly.
  • 4:10 AM: Get up to blow nose in bathroom. Decide to use Neti pot. Realize water is flowing into ears, not nose.
  • 4:12 AM: Decamp for guest bedroom.
  • 4:13-4:50 AM: Blow nose and attempt to unwind by reading internet on phone.
  • 4:50 AM: Go use the bathroom
  • 4:50-5 AM: Try to sleep some more. Feel distracted by tickling in sinuses, cold feet, birds chirping outside, baby trying to kick you as hard as it can.
  • 5 AM- 5:24 AM: Blow nose and attempt to unwind by reading internet on phone some more.
  • 5:24 AM: Go use the bathroom
  • 5:25 AM: Lie down, try to count backwards from 100 in an attempt to get hour and half of sleep before alarm goes off.
  • 5:26 AM: Sneeze
  • 5:30 AM: Get out of bed and decide to just start the day.
  • 5:35 AM: Rub eyes and realize this is not a good idea.
  • 5:36 AM: Lie back down.
  • 5:37 AM: Sneeze
  • 5:38 AM: Curse out loud at nobody in particular, get up, start the day.

Have a wonderful morning filled with love! Possibly related: a piece I wrote called Why I'm Counting Down the Days Until I Get My Post-Baby Body Back.

PS: I contemplated using a photo of how I really look right this second (at 6:04 AM) and I'm sorry, but I am too proud.