I met today's interviewee a few years ago when she was on the eve of publishing her first book, MWF Seeking BFF: My Yearlong Search for a New Best Friend, on the intriguing topic of making new friends when you're an adult lady (although, not to be a butt-kisser, she was so friendly and outgoing, I had a hard time she had any challenges making new friends.) Since then, she's gone on to be a new mom and publish Jennifer, Gwyneth & Me: The Pursuit of Happiness, One Celebrity at a Time, her new book trying out various celebrities' lifestyle regimes to see if she can get closer to the perfection that we see every week on the cover of People. She's also a mega-experienced freelance journalist and teacher and you can learn much more about her writings here.

After writing your book, what would you say is the biggest fallacy in terms of a lone "ordinary" woman aspiring to be like a celeb?
Us ordinary folk need to always remember that women like Jennifer Aniston, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Beyonce are the exception, not the rule. We see so many images of these women being "just like us," but that's not true.  They're not just like us.  I am a regular woman with regular woman money and access. They are superstars, with superstar money and access. Very often, these women have legions of help -- personal trainers, personal chefs, personal stylists--that make looking fabulous even when you're pumping gas a lot more attainable.

Exactly; I always wonder whether the celebs' "help" feels resentful when the celebs take all the credit for looking so flawless, like they picked out their own clothes and did their own hair. Anyway, I'm curious about whether you considered other celebs in place of the ones you chose for the book.
I tried to pick the celebrities that I think best represent a particular lifestyle aspect, or are generally associated with that aspect. Sarah Jessica Parker and fashion, for example. The two are almost synonymous. That said there are plenty of other celebrities I admire that I could have swapped in--Lena Dunham or Mindy Kaling in the "work ethic" category, for example. Kristen Bell in the marriage chapter. I think every woman has her own constellation of stars that make up her ideal -- these just happen to be mine. If I wrote the same book ten years from now, though, it would probably be an entirely different lineup.

I have a lot of questions about friendship for you after MWF Seeking BFF so you are now forewarned. First off: how has new motherhood changed your relationships with your friends?
Well, a lot of my oldest closest friends became mothers right around the time that I did. So in those relationships, motherhood has really brought us even closer--we went through the whole weird pregnancy thing together, calling each other up to be like "um, did this happen to you or is my body rallying against me?" And now we call each other for mothering advice, though it usually ends with someone saying "I don't know! I've had my kid only as long as you have, how should I know what to do?" So we try and figure things out together.

But in terms of seeing my friends -- whether or not they have kids--the truth is that I see all of my friends less. I hate that, but it's the reality. It's not as easy to  meet up at the last minute--even though that's exactly what I was craving when I started MWF Seeking BFF--because Maggie is napping, or my husband's not home to watch her, or whatever. Or I have to cancel plans at the last minute because my daughter got her first fever. And sometimes, if I've had a particularly busy week, the truth is that I'd rather stay home and play with my 11-month-old than go out and get drinks. Not always, but sometimes. And I do end up feeling guilty because I want to do it all--see my friends, play with my baby, write another book, clean the house--and I don't want to be that new mom who disappears because she had kids, but I just do my best and try not to beat myself up too much.
 
How has being a new mom changed your writing routine and relationship to writing in general?
I used to be a night writer. I did my best work fueled by caffeine and staying up into the morning. During the day, I would conduct interviews, talk with editors, email sources, research, pitch assignments and try to meet last-minute deadlines or hammer out quick-turnarounds. But at night, when everyone else was asleep and nothing new was arriving in my inbox, I'd write freely with no interruption. My "writing benders" as my husband sometimes calls them. But writing until 2 or 3 am is a lot tougher when you are woken up at 6:30 by a baby who needs to be fed. So now a late night of writing ends at midnight. Which means I'm still navigating how to kind of rearrange my routine and fit everything in.

I'm not sure how being a mother has changed my relationship to writing, exactly. It definitely makes me reevaluate how much of my own life I want to put out there. My last two books have been very personal and revealing, about myself but also about my husband and our relationship. And Matt's ok with that--he knew what he signed up for when he married me. My daughter, though, I'm just not sure what of her life I want to be public. I do sometimes think about "will she read this when she's older?" That sort of thing. Dani Shapiro wrote an essay about trying to shield her son from her first memoir. I wasn't yet pregnant when I read it, but it stuck with me, and I think about it a lot now.

I know it's often seen as poor form for married-with-kids to forsake their single friends. But when do you work hard to nourish friendships and when do you things peter out due to too many differences?
It's so tricky! But I think if both parties really value the friendship, they'll sustain it. When I was in my "year of friending" for MWF, I had no kids, and I became good friends with a woman with 2-year-old twins. Before that year, I would have thought it impossible for us to become such good friends--too many differences--but we both liked each others' company enough to make it work. Some nights her husband watched the kids so we could go out to wine and sushi. Other nights I went to her house and helped with bathtime. If it's important enough to both of you, you can make it work. But some great friendships are kind of meant for a certain time and place, and as lives change the relationship just doesn't work anymore. I don't think a friendship has to last forever for it to have been worthwhile or meaningful. 

 Sometimes I think that women are trained to overthink their friendships and that they can cause a type of angst and drama that we don't typically see between guy friendships. Is this something that can be helped, or do intense friendships just intrinsically bring intense emotions?
Women are passionate about their friendships--plenty of studies have shown that it's our friendships, rather than marriages or familial relationshps, that are the most important to our health and happiness. With that passion, I think, comes deep emotion. But I would say that male friendships have their drama too, they just deal with it differently (like, often, by not dealing with it).
 
What are your favorite friendship activities that are not related to eating or drinking?
Well my favorite anything activities usually involve eating and drinking! But with my closest friends I really don't need any activity. We could sit and talk for hours, like teenagers. When I get to spend face-to-face time with my BFFs, that's pretty much what we do. Or I do with them whatever activities I would enjoy doing alone -- going to yoga, going for a walk, watching reality TV. The important stuff. 

You teach writing for mediabistro--I've taught blogging for them. What, for you, are the biggest challenges of teaching remotely?
I have a really hard time not being able to see the students and make eye contact. The way these remote classes work is that the students can see a video of me -- and I see the video of me-- but I can't see them. They type in their questions via chat. So staring at myself talking can be awkward and distracting. It's hard for me to be as animated as I'd like when I'm staring at a video of myself in my office with bad lighting. 


What is some of the most common input you give to your students?
You don't need to come up with an idea that nobody has ever written about before. Very often my students have something they want to write about, but a quick Google search tells them the same subject has been written about 267 times, so they figure they have nothing new to add. There will always be new food articles and fashion articles and weight loss articles. So I tell them not to be daunted by the sheer amount of content that is on the Internet. They don't need come up with something no one has ever tackled before. If their content is well-written, has a fresh voice and is well-produced, it will stand out. An agent once told me that even on the vast expanse that is the Internet, the cream rises to the top, and I believe that's true.

I'm impressed by the number of celebrity interviews you've done: how do you prepare for them so that you're not asking the same questions everyone else is?
I do a lot of research, definitely (reading interviews, profiles, etc) but I also really like to look at their Twitter accounts or other social media, because I think that's where you get the truest sense of a celebrity's personality. And it's fun to talk to them about things that they're actually passionate about. So if an actor has tweeted about his favorite sports team, for instance, I try to make myself knowledgeable about what's going on with that team so we can talk about it. Then suddenly you are talking like friends, not interviewer and interviewee, and the whole thing feels more natural. 

I also try to already know the answers to anything I can. For instance, I don't ask "what's next for you" if I can find out easily the next film he's shooting. Instead, I like to ask specific questions about the project. People appreciate it when you've done your homework. 


Who have you been most scared to interview?
Maybe Al Gore? Or James Cameron? I'll say the biggest fool I've made of myself was during an interview with Idris Elba. He's devastatingly handsome even over the phone. His voice is devastatingly handsome. I had to ask him something about his favorite breakfast meal, and he said something about how someday he'll make me his famous steak and eggs for breakfast. And then I started thinking about this stunning British man making me breakfast and all I could do was giggle. I still have the recording -- it's so embarrassing. 

What's one piece of advice you'd give a writer about trying to break into women's magazines?
Read, read, read women's magazines. Get a sense of the voice, understand the content and always have a timely peg to your pitch.

You're a former sex columnist: what were the hardest questions you ever had to tackle?
The questions from my parents after they read my sex columns!

How does it feel to be the 390th person interviewed for Zulkey.com?
Incredible! I'm honored! I also cannot believe you've interviewed 390 people. That sounds exhausting.