One of the reasons why Americans are so terrible at learning new languages is that other languages assign genders to nouns, while American English avoided this. 

Well, that grand experiment failed.

It's time to start giving English words genders to help our children learn French, Italian, and even more useful languages than that. Here are a few to get you started.

Happy learning!

computer: boy

iPhone: girl

book: boy

magazine: girl

jeans: girl jean

shorts: boy

hand sanitizer: girl

Vaseline: boy

pencil: girl

pen: girl

eraser: boy

paper: boy

paper pulp: girl

toaster: girl

Kitchenaid mixer: boy

Tabasco sauce: girl

Sears Tower: girl

Willis Tower: boy

Blackhawks: boy

Bears: girl