You don't know this, dear readers, but I'm currently on vacation: all the posts I've published since last week I scheduled ahead of time. You probably are wondering how someone as glamorous and sophisticated as I have my act together as well as I do. Well I'll tell you: I have a few little secrets for making my flights as comfy as can be. Why leave an airplane a stinky, wrinkly sleepy mess when you can do as I do? It's easy! Here are the few things I require:
Ugg slippers
Silky pajamas
A good book
I swear by a cashmere blanket. It keeps me warm and is so light and
soft! I bought it when I was on vacation in Iceland. Actually, what it
is is a cashmere blanket that's made of other cashmere blankets stitched
together, so in addition to the one from Iceland, it is also made from
one I picked up in Cortona, one from Java, one from Patagonia, one from
Monaco and one that my good friend Martha Stewart gave me for Christmas
one year. I can't fly without it!!!!
Aromatherapy candles. I just ask the stewardesses if they light a little
one at my seat. If they say no I tell a little white lie and say that
my doctor prescribed them for me for my anxiety. Usually they say yes.
The scent of sandalwood or patchouli musk just makes flying soooo much
more civilized.
A sleep mask. I may look silly when I wear it but I swear it helps me
rest. The trick is making sure that the airline folk don't make you
check it. I take it out of its protective crate, pull it over my head,
secure the nozzles and filters, pull down the sun visor and flip the
switches. Night-night!
Moisturizer. I swear by this kind that my mom used to use made of kitten
placentas. It's old school, but my skin feels so soft after the flight!
I eat it with a spoon.
A gluten-free meal. I'm not really gluten-intolerant but I just like
being difficult. Here's a trick: I tell the stewardess that I'm allergic
to gluten and if she questions that I'm going to have her prosecuted
with committing a hate crime. Yummy!
Some medication. I have a hard time falling asleep when I fly, so for
any flight that lasts a half-hour or more, I take twelve anti-anxiety
pills along with a little bellini. When I wake up three days later, I
feel totally refreshed.
My pet llama. When I feel nervous about turbulence, her spitting and
braying makes me laugh and distracts me. I tell the crew that she's my
companion animal and they are forced to let her on the plane. When I
arrive, I leave her on the plane for the cleaning crew to pick up and
throw away because by then, I'm tired of her and want a new llama.
A destination where I can keep things "real" and really take in the
culture, but without any gross toilets, food, traffic, hotels or people
in general. It's the little things.