Why I Should Have Won the Nobel Prize for Physiology or Medicine and Not Robert G. Edwards

Robert G. Edwards: Served in the British Army

I: Have a very cute military-style coat that I bought two season ago before the military style became all trendy.

Dr. Edwards: Spent most of his career at Cambridge.

I: Have been to England not once but two times.

Dr. Edwards: Was able to achieve fertilization of a human egg in the laboratory in 1968.

I: Am pretty good at making hard-boiled eggs, provided that I have an egg timer and conditions are right.

Dr. Edwards: helped develop the in vitro fertilization procedure for treating human infertility.

I: once made something called "donut muffins," a similarly wonderful experience that also brought fear that the moral order was subverted by unnatural intervention in a mysterious process. The first muffin was called "Louise Brownie".

Dr. Edwards: cofounded the Bourn Hall Clinic as a place to advance their work and train new specialists.

I: Co-own The Bourne Identity trilogy box-set.