Run and throw
The quarterback throws the ball to a guy who is running away but doing so in a way so that no one can get him. Hopefully you are already near the endzone but if not you might have to do some running, I hope that is OK.

Run and make a touchdown
This is self-explanatory. Do not get tackled.

Make the other team get a penalty
I'm not sure how you do this--can you make someone grab your helmet? Or maybe say "I think they blew the whistle" when they didn't yet so you can make the bad guys get a false start call. Just keep doing this until the other team is penalized so many times that you push them all the way back until you get a touchdown.

Field goals
Get a really good field goal kicker and just make sure wherever he is, he can kick a field goal.

Get the other team drunk
The night before the game, pretend like you want to get to know the other team better before the game and take them out for a wild night. Buy them a lot of drinks. But when it's your time to drink, just pretend to drink. The next day you will be ready to execute all your great plays and the other team will be tired, hungover and cranky.

Special shoes
Have you heard about these shoes that give you a workout just by wearing them? If your team can get them you will have an even better workout than you were having before.

Donovan McNabb
Can we get Donovan McNabb to play for us? He's good and he seems nice plus he does commercials with his mom which means he must be trustworthy.