"Impotent? Gay? Smelly?"

"My roommate is a little gnome from Belgravia, and my dorm is actually a cardboard box."

"Nobody's drinking anything out of my belly button."

Dear Whomever. Shut up. I hate you.

"I'm an enigma!"

"I pour water on my cereal and I drink beer with my cookies."

"I'm so nervous I could poop"