Do you know what I don't want? Children. Ever. They ruin everything: your clothes, your house, your life, the world. But I feel that by taking this extremely controversial stance, that children aren't for me, I face constant questions, unsolicited comments and harsh judgments about my decision. So let's start a childfree group. We can talk about how great it is not to have kids, talk smack about the people who do (they ALL talk ENDLESSLY about their children and NOTHING ELSE! ALL THE TIME!) That way we can all agree on this one thing and have a great time doing it all the time.

It's not that we hate kids, in fact we like them. A lot. You know, I'm starting to change my mind about this whole kid thing. Except that I feel, like, a lot of judgment from my childfree friends about deciding to have kids. They just look at me like "How can you give up your life for children?" and don't understand. They're just focused on so many material, selfish things and seem to think I'm checking out of the world. Maybe I'm just growing up and moving on and checking out of THEIR world: I don't care for the fact that by deciding to have children, I face constant questions, unsolicited comments and harsh judgments about my decision. So do you want to form a group? A formerly-childfree-flipflloppers group? We can talk about how great kids are and how dumb childfree people are.

So, are you guys breastfeeding? Oh, you are? How rewarding that must be for you and your baby. Me? No, we're not doing it. Why? For the same reasons that my mother didn't: it's gross. And also, I don't see how my husband and I are any less connected to our baby by feeding it a bottle than by breastfeeding. I can tell by the way you're opening your mouth to say something that you are about to take issue with my decision and I can tell you that I just don't need it. I don't need you or La Leche League telling me what to do with my body or my baby's body. Do you understand the constant questions, unsolicited comments and harsh judgments I receive about my decision? Leave me alone. I'm going to start a non-breastfeeding group, where we can all sit around and talk about how rewarding it is NOT to breastfeed and how all the women who do are just disgusting milk-dripping cows, and they don't lose weight from the breastfeeding, they lose weight from getting no sleep. Our group's logo can be one of those icky breastfeeding photos with a big NO sign over it.

Do you know what I don't want after all? Children. I was right the first time around. They ruin everything. I actually think I'm not going to start a group for Adults Who Give Up Their Preteens For Adoption because I can't deal with the constant questions, unsolicited comments and harsh judgments I would receive about my decision, but let me tell you, if I did start that group, it would be great, because finally I could have a circle of friends who really understood what my life was like and shared a common interest that is not typically understood by "mainstream" America. And also, there would be margaritas.