I have had it with you, do you hear me? There are so many annoying things going on in the world right now: the recession, Iran, the fact that it rains all the time and summer is apparently canceled. I do not feel like freaking out about World War III. Why are you being such a dickhead? I'm sick of you.

Let's be honest. You don't want to mess with us. It is an extremely bad idea. We are kind of touchy about Hawaii being attacked.

But moreover, what is your problem? Quit being a jerk. Are you jealous that we like South Korea more? Here's a clue: they're much cooler than you.

So please do not fire a missile at us. Please just chill out and use your energy to do something nice, like make a cute energy-efficient car, or something. We just don't need this shit right now. Thank you.

I wrote about "So You think You Can Dance" last night, by the way.