I heard that Rod Blagojevich bought his daughters a puppy over Christmas, in order to make them feel better about their dad being one of the worst politicians in history.

Somebody please rescue this dog. First of all, it's been shown that dogs do not make great Christmas presents. After all the excitement is over, it sets in that somebody has to take care of the pup and let him out and, trust me, unless you have the most wonderful, worthy dog in history (like mine), you will resent the hell out of any beast that requires you to go outside more than necessary.

Moreover, why would you want a poor innocent living creature to represent the worst time in your young life? If, somehow, this dog lives a long, healthy life, every time the Blagojevichs look at him, all they'll think of is the impeachment, humiliation, invasion of privacy. Unless, of course, to them this is actually a good thing, because honestly, I can't really tell.

Otherwise, I would seriously be on the lookout for this dog if I lived near the Blagojevichs (in the Ravenswood Manor/Lincoln Square neighborhood). This dog is going to take in all the stress and bad feelings that abound right now (and will probably get cursed at around the clock). Rod will boycott picking up after the dog and make a media tour talking about how it's unfair that he's expected to do so. Inevitably, someone will forget to close the gate because there are cameras around (or maybe just because they're bad people) and the dog will run the hell out and bite the crap out of someone. And then Blagojevich will complain that he's innocent until proven guilty and that he's the vicim of a justice system that could indicate ANYONE, even Larry King, is guilty just because his bad dog bit someone when that's really not the truth.

They should have gotten those kids a fish.

Oh, incidentally, I interviewed Ira Glass for the AV Club. Enjoy!