I'm so proud of the way he's turned out. I'd like to think that I had a large hand in his success, with my husband being the first black President and all. I'm married to a black man, basically! So that proves that I love black people. And we, as the first black couple of the United States, undoubtedly provided so much inspiration to Senator Obama that he is where he is today. I think of him as my son, actually. I called him that once on the Senate floor and for some reason he found this offensive, which I found offensive. I think it's a little ungrateful of our honorary black son to take all that we have given him and turn it against us by running against us.

I think it's nice that he's doing well for himself and that people like him. It's great. I'm really happy for him and for all black people. If I could, I would retire from this presidential race so that I wouldn't stand in the way of there being a black presidential nominee, but I think to do so would be sexist of myself, so I won't. I suppose you could go so far as to say that Senator Obama, as proud as I am of all his accomplishments, is being a little sexist by remaining in this race. Where is the gratitude for all I have done for him? He's biting the hand that fed him and that hurts my feelings. Like, a lot.

So, anyway, what I'm trying to say is that by indicating that I am proud of Barack Obama, I'm showing you that I am compassionate and that I dig black folks. I think his whole campaign is an inspiration to someone, just hopefully not enough of an inspiration that he wins. Of course if he does win, we know who he will have to thank: me, for everything I've done for him and his people. You're welcome, black people. You are so, so very welcome.