Today is the day to wish you were a little bit taller..
My long-overdue ode to Billy Ray Cyrus.
Vows: Claire Zulkey and Diet Pepsi
It is announced that Claire Zulkey, daughter of Janice and Edward, will be marrying Diet Pepsi, son of PepsiCo this weekend in a tavern in Chicago. Officiating the ceremony will be whichever bartender is available at the time.
The couple became engaged when the bride professed her love for the groom, and one of her surrounding friends suggested that the two be wed, and thus it was agreed.
The bride, 28, is a writer in Chicago. She graduated from Georgetown University and is receiving her Masters Degree from Northwestern University. Her father is general counsel at Baker & McKenzie and her mother served as Vice President at Continental Bank.
The bridegroom, of indetermined age, is a beverage known for its cola taste and lack of calories. He graduated from Swarthmore University and has appeared in numerous television ads and some movie roles. His parents are the holding company that owns him as well as many other fine products such as Frito-Lay, Tropicana, Quaker, and Gatorade.
The groom was originally married numerous other times, but each union was dissolved in annulment.
The bride and groom met sometime in the 1990's and have had a dedicated longterm relationship. The bride credits the groom with constant support, deliciousness and caffeine. The groom, as well as his family, is supremely grateful to the bride for her years of financial support.
The bride will be changing her last name to "Pepsi."