Today is the day to know that once Mercury gets out of retrograde, the hammer is coming down.

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I have a beef with the people of America. Why are you still voting Antonella Barba through on American Idol. This girl clearly is a mediocre singer. She strikes me as kind of a shithead. And frankly, she's not all that in the looks department.

But she's famous for being slutty all over the Internet.

Yeah, yeah, her friends sold those photos. Yeah, it's private property. But if you're telling me that posing skankily on a national monument for a calendar you're not making for your boyfriend does not necessarily make you slutty, I say you're slutty. I don't know why anyone, without a contract, would ever pose even seminude for someon else's digital photo. You have to know that there is at least a chance that you're going to end up online.

Let's not reward just plain old sluttiness. I mean, she has to at least have some sort of other reason for existing in the public eye. If we're raising our little girls, we have to at least encourage them to practice their singing in addition to being slutty because it would be nicer to say "Well you can't make it to the top twelve of American Idol on sluttiness alone, dear." Now they'll think they can just skank on into prime time television.

Also, the white girl selection on AI is unbelievably weak this season. Which is not to say that I only root for women of my race--you'll see my anti-Kelli Pickler manifesto from last year. But it would be nice to have some representation, just like how it's nice to see that one white guy on Georgetown's basketball team this year. Let's not make Skankonella one of our emissaries, all right?

So those of you who vote, please don't vote for Antonella next time. Especially if she sings Celine Dion.

(For more of me being a hateful, pessimistic castrating harpie, please check out my preview of the 2007 White Sox on Deadspin.)