Today is the day to just sit in.

On a Scale of 1-10, How Upset Are You About Gwyneth Paltrow's Comments About America?

1. Very ashamed of self as an American.

2. Ashamed to the point of looking at self in the mirror saying "You're so stupid! You're stupid and fat."

3. Enough to skip dessert.

4. In a sorta-cutting mood, but just some superficial wounds.

5. Upset enough to puke.

6. Guilty enough to go buy something 'red' at the GAP.

7. Really messy, snotty weeping.

8. In an actual cutting mood.

9. Suicidal.

10. Suicidal AND wishing to kill everyone who made you the dumb American you are.