Today is the day to break out the old equipment.

Oh, the Humanity

Would you believe this? You are not going to believe this. Just listen. To. This. You will never hear anything so wild in your entire life.

Saturday, I was driving to E. Street Denim in Highgland Park, because my friend Lisa got a really cute Bears shirt there. And why would I want just any old Bears shirt when I can drive a half an hour away and spend $40 on a really cute Bears shirt. So I was driving, and I was changing the radio station, when I heard the most shocking thing. EVER.

Christmas music! The Christmas station was up and running.

IT WAS NOVEMBER 4, PEOPLE.

I was so shocked I crashed the car.

No, that's hyperbole. But believe me, I wanted to crash the car out of shock.

I am shocked and appalled and you know what I was pretty pissed off yesterday in the voting booth that this was not one of the issues the voters in Illinois could share their thoughts on--the absolutely maniacal use of Christmas music so early in the season. It's indecent. It's amoral. It's unholy.

It literally offends me. No, wait--it sickens me. It's more wrong than those occasional guys who get caught practicing animal-love. It's more disgusting than a digusting skin-eating disease. It's as unpleasant as all get-out.

Seriously? What has society come to? Are we not human?

Literally, my body is recoiling in horror at this very moment.

Christmas is for Christmas Time. That is December 15-31st. That is what is right and approved by Jesus. To get people thinking about Christmas? When it was just Halloween? And it's not Thanksgiving yet? I don't know what they do in other countries but that just doesn't seem right.

If you start Christmas too early, people will revolt and go beserk. They will start thinking of Christmas presents way too early. They will start thinking "Ooh, I can't wait for Christmas" in July, when Christmas should be the last thing on their minds.

It's a real problem, people. It is messed up and, you know what, it makes me afraid. Yes. I'm afraid.