Today is the day to buy a new samovar.

The Seven Stages of Finding Out North Korea Conducted a Nuclear Test

"What?"

"That can't be true."

"I wonder if I'll be safe if I live in my parents' basement for the rest of my life."

"Oh...shit."

"Stupid Kim Jong Il. I hate that guy. And his hair."

"Why does this all have to happen now, in my lifetime? And while so many promising fall television shows are debuting?"

"Oh well. Ooh, 'Studio 60' is on!"