Today is the day to pick up a complimentary copy.

Yesterday I discussed the first time I sent back Netflix movies without watching them. It was a major milestone. What movies have you left sitting around, silently judging you? Let me know.

Book By Its Cover: Suri Cruise

Just in case you're stuck on an oil rig in the middle of the ocean, the hot gossip these days is concerning the burning question "Where is Suri Cruise?" Many bloggers, like my colleague Trent at Pink is the New Blog, theorize that the baby doesn't actually exist. They make some interesting cases: for a celebrity, Katie looked awfully sloppy pre and post baby, 'accidentally' letting nursing bras and odd apparel choices slip through beneath her clothing, which might indicate that she was pretending to be pregnant and then tried to emphasize that she actually was by wearing a fake nursing bra. Meanwhile, I just find it curious that there hasn't been a single moment that Cruise or Holmes happened to be outside carrying the baby or pushing it that the paparazzi could have caught--from hospital to limo? From limo to airport? Just taking the poor thing out for outside air? Us Weekly even has a clock counting the days that have passed since the baby was allegedly born that its gone unseen by the public.

Personally, I don't care about seeing the actual baby. It's a baby. It has a finite amount of cuteness and I think you can't get much cuter than Heath Ledger/Michelle William's baby, anyway, so it probably won't top that. It'll grow up to look like Tom or Katie which means it'll be brunette, sort of vacant looking with an off-putting smile. Fine.

I'd rather we never see the baby. How awesome would it be if they just continued to pretend this baby existed for its entire pretend life? We hear news about a pretend first birthday party? I can completely picture Cruise ordering thousands of dollars of petting zoo and cake and decorations and inviting weird celebrities for a fake party. And then way off into the future: buying a car that will go unused, a wedding gown for Suri's non-wedding to her well-paid fake husband. And then, when Tom Cruise dies, Suri will remain in sad solitude, too distraught to come out in public.

I think this would be a great new twist in celebrity weirdness. And the best part will be when she releases her memoirs.